I laughed out loud recently when one of my favorite people on the planet commented that someone she met who had been to my blog thought my life looked perfect!!! Trust me when I say this did not offend me. I was too busy wondering if my girlfriend got hurt when she fell off her chair laughing at this statement!!
This comment did cause me to pause though… There was a time not too long ago that I struggled daily parenting my three girls…. Our third addition rocked my world. She was (and is) spicy, tough, and broken.
She lived (and slept) for four years with the only mother she ever knew. She had more layers than the red onion I just used to make a salad. Honestly, I was in over my head. You see, patience was not one of my spiritual gifts. And, I lost my mind trying to love this child, comfort her little sister who had just been scratched, squeezed, or yelled at, and loving my big girl who needed my time too.
I can reflect back now and tell you it was almost 18 months of HARD!
I can honestly say God chose me to parent this little girl to refine me.
Clearly He knew I would survive, even when I was not so sure!
My stories are many of tough bedtimes, little sister abuse, temper tantrums, and this Mom in tears. But, somehow we got through each day. Slowly remorse and sweet apologies became the norm. And slowly, very slowly, girly giggles kind words and gentle play filled their space. In our case I think this is when she really began to trust us. To know that no matter what we were not going to leave her. That when we said we would love her forever, we meant it.
The picture here is of two little girls that were forced to be sisters… But, what came from that were two little girls that have, on their terms, become best friends. It’s a beautiful reminder relationships take time. Sometimes they evolve slowly. And, when they do, it is so beautiful!!
What’s amazing to me is that during this time in my life, God called us back to China one more time… And, that based on what I was living I said “YES!” It is clear now that God chose #4 to complete us. And, wow has our baby girl done that!!! You will often here me say four is so much easier than three in my world!
So what is the lesson in this post? I guess it is to remember there are blessings in our trials. That life is not perfect, even when it appears to be. And, lastly and most importantly that eventually consistent love and boundaries will trump hard in your world! One day you will hear the words, “Thank you Mama for adopting me!” And, with tears in your eyes you will quietly thank God for every moment that you doubted your ability to gracefully survive!
For those of you struggling as your family finds their way, please accept this cyber hug from this very “imperfect” Mom!
Thank You… Needed That!
Thank You Diana i really needed to hear This today ((HUGS))
I needed that today. #3 is also rocking our world. I knew it would happen but that doesn’t make it easier to handle. I know it’s a long road but am hopeful! Thanks for sharing!
We had a rough go when we first brought our daughter home from China. Her relationship with her brother (the youngest in our family until she came home and her “virtual” twin), was especially tough. It took about a year, but they have become such sweet friends. They still do their fair share of fighting, like siblings do, but they play so well together. It just takes time, but is so worth it. Thanks for your post.
Diana, thank ou so much for this post. Desperately needed the encoragement today as I wonder if the fighting among siblings will ever stop being so relentless. I’ve seen glimpses of kindness among them and reading your post encourages me that there is more to come. Thank you!
Love this, Diana! And I have loved witnessing all God is doing in your family as you follow and trust Him – you have such a beautiful family, and although I know you’re not perfect, you do such a wonderful job of glorifying Him in all you do!
We are feeling that sense of ‘completeness’ with our last, very spicy, girl… and, I’m not gonna lie, it feels so good 🙂
oxoxo!
Oh my! We have been there. We still are some days! I thought I was a patient person. I’ve learned that I’m not. My Maggie isn’t particularly patient either, so we are learning together. Some days we both do better than others, but we are getting there! I love this post!
Beautiful post
I have followed your blog since your time in Nanchang with Ruby. Your blog gave me hope as my husband and I waited for our daughter in China. In March of 2010 we met our “Jiangxi” baby. The last couple of years I have been busy with Caroline so I have not followed your blog as closely. Your blog will always be a reminder of hope.