I am very excited about Chinese New Year this year because I am a Rat! My high school’s mascot was the River Rat so I wholly embrace my Chinese zodiac animal. The Great Race account of the Chinese zodiac tells the story of a race across a river. As legend goes, the crafty Rat hopped on the back of the Ox and sang to him as they crossed the river but when they neared the other side, Rat jumped off ahead of Ox winning the race and was named the first animal of the Chinese Zodiac.

So as we begin a new decade in 2020, we also begin a new cycle of the Chinese zodiac.

Celebrating Chinese New Year can seem daunting, but it can also be a lot of fun – and is a great way to bring some Chinese culture and new family traditions into your home. Our celebrations may be a bit like Chinese food found in America: not quite what you find in China, but it’s what we have. And as my mom always says, “Done is better than perfect.”

We completed our first adoption from China in the summer of 2013. We celebrated our first Chinese New Year in 2014, the year of the horse. Since we had only been home six months, I am not sure how we pulled it off but we did have help. We were blessed to meet friends while in China who have become some of our best friends in life. We actually met in Beijing, on the front end portion of the trip and then spent the entire time together in Guangzhou since both of our boys are from Guangdong. Our friends live about 4 and ½ hours away but we wanted to keep up the friendship and celebrating Chinese New Year together became a tradition. Our friends come for the weekend once a year sometime around Chinese New Year depending on our schedules so we don’t always celebrate on the actual day.

One great place to get started is at your local library. Sometime after January 1st I stop by our local library and check out every book on Chinese New Year; sometimes I even request other books from libraries in our network. These books are full of information and great ideas. Some are just fun stories about Chinese New Year for elementary age children. They also can be displayed as decorations on a mantel.

One website I have found to be very helpful is called Chinese American Family. I love this site and their page on how to Celebrate Chinese New Year is full of information especially if this is your first rodeo. This site contains a lot of information including; history and folklore, activities, decorating ideas, information about red envelopes, recipes, crafts and buying guides.

I have to admit that I don’t have a Pinterest account so my friend is in charge of the decorations. I keep all of the decorations from year to year in a bin that I pull out each year when they come; we add a few new decorations each year. Since we host, I am in charge of the menu. Division of labor has helped us pull off this family celebration each year.

If you don’t have another adoptive family to celebrate with you can ask any family to join you as this is a great excuse to get together with friends and family in January or February (depending on the year) that doesn’t include football as the main theme.

Decorations can be ornate or simple. One year we left up the Christmas tree after Christmas. We took off all of the Christmas decorations, left the lights on and added homemade Chinese New Year decorations. We made little pandas, plum blossoms, and fortune cookie decorations all out of old scrapbook paper. This was the “most ornate” year. Other years we have simply used red streamers, paper plates, napkins, plastic wear, and decorations all from a dollar store. Red, corresponding with fire, symbolizes good fortune and joy. Red is found all over the place during Chinese New Year.

A big bowl of mandarin oranges is a perfect centerpiece for your table not to mention delicious and nutritious. Mandarin oranges symbolize luck in the New Year. In China the word for a mandarin sounds similar to the word for gold and so having a big bowl of them in your home at New Year is sure to bring riches into your life or at the very least your daily requirement of vitamin C.

Our kids look forward to the red envelopes each year. Each child gets one at our celebration. There is a lot of etiquette surrounding the giving and receiving of these iconic envelopes filled with money at Chinese New Year. Some of the basics are that they are usually filled with new bills and not coins and in even numbers (except for the number 4 which is unlucky and sounds like the word for death). You can find these envelopes online and the amount you put in them doesn’t really matter, what matters most is the generosity of the giver and the thankful heart of the receiver. Please, thank you and hugs all around!

Chinese New Year includes traditional foods. The ones that are most common, and we find most commonly enjoyed, are dumplings, spring rolls, noodles and any golden, round citrus fruits (mentioned above). Some years we have made what I call American moon cakes using our moon cake mold and a shortbread recipe I found here on NHBO.

I know one adoptive family who gets take-out for Chinese New Year. I love this simple tradition. This is a splurge and a treat and makes for a great family tradition with a lot less fuss in the kitchen. I have to admit that this year I bought frozen dumplings and frozen spring rolls. In the past we have made our own dumplings assembly line style using store bought won ton wrappers. I want to spend less time in the kitchen this year and more time drinking coffee with our friends. The kids are growing up and have increased in number and size and somehow I have gotten older too and spending the day in the kitchen is not as alluring as it once was.

The point is that if you love being in the kitchen and that is life-giving, there are many great recipes online. If spending the day preparing a feast is not life-giving, there are so many great options out there. You don’t even need to go to a traditional Chinese market to find great dumplings and spring rolls, although a trip to one could be a great part of your tradition. I have found some great frozen options at grocery stores and warehouse stores.

One additional food item we enjoy is the “tray of togetherness”.

Traditionally this is a sectional serving platter with eight compartments (eight rhymes with the word for good luck) filled with bite sized treats such as candy, dried fruit and nuts. Each treat has a symbolic meaning and you offer these treats to guests wishing them sweet life in the coming year. It is similar to serving hors d’oeuvres. I improvise and use an old Rubbermaid tray that only has seven compartments. I use whatever small treats I have on hand or remember to pick up and we have made up our own meanings for the foods.

Red and black watermelon seeds, candied lotus root and seeds and dried sweet potatoes are not staples in my cupboard, so in the past we have used things like peanuts, cranberries, mini marshmallows, pumpkin seeds, Cheerios, M&Ms and oyster crackers. My daughter came up with meanings for each. For Cheerios she came up with the circle symbolizing eternal life in God. Even the number seven for the number of compartments in our family tray symbolizes perfection and completeness.

Over the years we have included crafts from downloading coloring pages of the zodiac animals to making paper lanterns. We have also made up some of our own games like Chinese New Year Charades and Chinese New Year Pictionary depending on the ages and stages of our children.

If you are lucky enough to have a Chinese New Year parade with fireworks and a dragon and lion dance nearby then by all means go! Here in the Midwest Chinese New Year comes at a time when the days are often cold and gray. It is a great time to make your home look festive again as it always seems to look a bit barren once the Christmas decorations have come down. It is a great time to gather with family and friends between Christmas and Easter.

Celebrating Chinese New Year is also a great way to celebrate your child’s Chinese cultural heritage. We have five kids, two of them are treasures from China, and they all love celebrating Chinese New Year. As adoptive families we are already considered “nontraditional” – our Chinese New Year traditions may not be authentically or traditionally Chinese but they are ours and they create family togetherness. They may not be Pinterest perfect but they are filled with family, friends, delicious food and well wishes for the New Year.

I hope this will encourage you to make some Chinese New Year traditions of your own.

Happy New Year! Shǔ nián xíng dà yùn!

– guest post by Tanya

Being a family of faith, we try to find most of the stories we tell and lessons we teach to our children this time of year from the Bible where the Christmas story is found. But we do own and enjoy a copy of the Limited Keepsake Edition of the Original Christmas Classics, including Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

And this is where my story begins…

On our first trip to China in 2013, we spent nearly two weeks at the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou, as our son is from a city in Guangdong. The medical appointment took place on a quiet week day (before all of the other families arrived from the various provinces) instead of an insane Saturday (which we will get to). We and the other family traveling with us may have been the only ones there.

But the lobby of the Garden Hotel where we were staying was a perpetual hive of activity filled with new families bustling about. At one point my husband commented that the lobby of the Garden Hotel reminded him of the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I had actually been thinking the very same thing.

///

Fast forward nearly five years and we find ourselves at the medical which took place after arrival in Guangzhou from the various provinces on an insane Saturday. The entire crowd from the Garden Hotel lobby was gathered as all of the families that had arrived from the provinces hustled through the medical stations.

At one point I looked up and the other mom we were traveling with, overcome with emotion, said, “This is the Island of Misfit toys from Rudolph.” And at that moment I knew this wasn’t just some crazy connection my husband and I had conjured up.

In the movie, the welcome on the Island meant you were also a misfit.

Metaphorically, if you were welcomed you were joining a group who was disabled or incapacitated in some way. On the island there was a Charlie in the Box, a spotted elephant, a train with square wheels on the caboose, a water pistol that squirts jelly, a bird that swims, and a cowboy who rides an ostrich. And then there is the “Dolly for Sue” – who seems perfectly normal -but the producer of the movie, Arthur Rankin, revealed in an NPR interview in 2007 that Dolly considers herself a misfit due to her low self-esteem and psychological problems. She is a doll who feels that she is unlovable; I would say that she suffers from a broken heart.

In the lobby of the Garden or at the medical on an insane Saturday the “misfits” are not toys but children. Children.

Children, not seeking refuge or community on an island, but children, many with broken pieces and all like Dolly, broken hearted, finding family. Family, in the arms of loving mamas and babas who had flown not on a sleigh but on a 747 from places that seem as far away as the North Pole.

Rudolph and Hermey, misfits themselves, end up on this island. As a mom to two boys with limb differences, I would say that Rudolph was born with a “nose difference”. Hermey is an elf who can’t make toys but aspires to be a dentist and this difference makes him feel rejected by the community he is born into.

Rudolph also feels different and rejected. As the song goes, “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. But then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say…” In a moment everything changes for Rudolph. And in a moment, in a civil affairs office, everything changes for a child.

The title “orphan” is replaced with the title “beloved son or daughter”. Names are changed. Families are born. The process of healing broken hearts begins.

And about those special needs. In the story of Rudolph his “special need” – his nose difference – actually turns out to be more of a special power. A nose so bright that it can guide Santa’s sleigh around the world in a night through fog as thick as pea soup sounds like a special power to me.

This makes me wonder, could the special needs our children have been labeled with on medical forms really be special powers in disguise? When my son with a lucky fin (limb difference) brings the ball up the court, he lights up the gym. When my son with two lucky fins zipped his coat for the first time, the entire kindergarten classroom lit up and erupted in cheers.

What about your kids? Have their lives grown compassion in others? Have their lives given others joy? Have they grown patience in you? That sounds to me like something even more than a special power…

that is the miraculous.

So when you snuggle in with your little treasures to watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer this year likely your child won’t make these connections, but I hope you will. I hope you smile when Rudolph takes flight. As the song goes, “Then how the reindeer loved him”…. love really is what changes everything.

I hope that you are seeing glimpses of the miraculous in how broken hearts are healing in your homes. I hope that in the midst of the challenges you have moments when special needs can be seen as special powers that may not “go down in history” as the song goes but become a part of your family’s… your children’s stories.

Merry Christmas.

– guest post by Tanya Strong, wife to Luman, mom to Selah 15, Boaz 13, Simeon 9, Shadrach 7, Meshach 6 & Abednego with special powers yet unknown

Dental health is important to one’s overall well being. Most of us do what we can each day to prevent oral issues by visiting our dentist and having a dental routine at home. However, for children with Down syndrome, they may be at a higher risk for dental issues.

While this can be challenging, there are ways to work to prevent oral problems. I have been practicing dentistry for more than 17 years, and have experience working with children who have Down syndrome. This article will discuss some common dental issues in children with Down syndrome may suffer from and how parents can be prepared to deal with and prevent them.

Dental Issues

There are a number of dental issues that parents who have children with Down syndrome should be aware of and prepared to deal with. Here are the most common:

Periodontal disease

This is a disease that affects the gums and can cause one’s oral health to deteriorate rather quickly. It’s most often caused by poor oral hygiene, bruxism, and underlying issues with the immune system. This can lead to loss of adult teeth if left untreated. Luckily, parents can work with their children on preventing this disease.

Malocclusion

This condition is seen in a lot of individuals with Down syndrome as a result of delayed eruption of permanent teeth. This leads to an open bite, poor positioning of teeth, and an increased risk of periodontal disease and tooth decay. While this can’t be prevented, there are plenty of options to help combat the condition.

Other Tooth Anomalies

There are other dental abnormalities that your child may experience which can affect the form, function, or position of the mouth. As mentioned, delayed tooth eruption is one of them as well as missing teeth or irregular tooth formation. If your child is showing signs of any of these, visit your dentist to discuss the best way for your child to have a healthy mouth.

Dental issues can be confusing and challenging. Luckily, there are ways to prevent them and work through them and parents should use their child’s pediatric dentist as a source of information and support.

Going to the Dentist

To help work through some dental issues that children with Down syndrome may face, parents should take them to the dentist. Dental visits are the best way for your child to receive an examination of their dental health to uncover any issues. Plus, you and your child’s dentist can discuss any necessary care and treatment plans.

It’s also best to begin taking your child to the dentist at an early age to help them have the healthiest mouth possible. Not only is this a good idea for combatting oral issues, but it will also help your child be more comfortable at the dentist as they get older.

Dental Care at Home

Parents should also help their children develop an effective oral care routine at home. A good routine includes brushing twice a day, flossing once a day, and regularly rinsing with an oral rinse. Certain behavioral issues or sensitivities may make implementing a routine more difficult, however, there are ways to work through this.

Start by making a child’s dental routine fun. You can do this by turning brushing and flossing time into a dance party and play music or set small incentives to help them get through their routine.

Diet can also play a big role in a child’s dental health. Try to limit the amount of sugar that your child eats as it can lead to tooth decay and gum disease. Find your child’s favorite fruits, vegetables, dairy products, and whole grains as these are rich in vitamins and nutrients that are essential to healthy teeth and gums.

Dental issues can happen to anybody, but children with Down syndrome are at a greater risks or some oral complications. Parents can help them by knowing some of the common issues, taking their child to the dentist, and practice proper oral care at home. Everyone deserves to have a healthy mouth, as it’s essential to one’s overall well-being. While oral problems can be challenging, never give up on finding ways to provide the best dental care for your child.

Resources:
Down Syndrome and Dental Care
Questions to Ask Your Dentist Before an Appointment

– guest post by Dr. Greg Grillo: Facebook || Dentably 

Every adoptive parent dreams of how they will “meet” their new child…

Will they see him or her on an advocacy post and be flooded with warm fuzzies?

Will they get “the call” or open an email to an endearing face that will change their family forever?

I had been dreaming about this moment for over twenty-five years. Yep, that’s a bit of a wait! At age six, my parents bravely moved our family to Russia right after the Iron Curtain fell in the early ‘90s. We spread God’s love in a once cold and shackled land, especially visiting orphanages.

One of my clearest memories from our time there was playing in a room full of love-starved little children. When it was time to leave, a boy probably four years old clung to my mother’s leg and had to be pried off by the nannies. I begged through tears, “Please, let’s take him home! He can sleep in my bed!” My little mind didn’t understand the labyrinth of international adoption, just that this little boy needed a home and we seemed to have room in ours for one more child.

I carried this heavy burden of wanting to help vulnerable children in my young heart and never forgot his pleading tears.

Fast-forward many years later to when I was dating my now husband and I told him adoption was part of my “plan A” for growing a family. Thankfully, God had been working in my husband’s life too, as he was able to see firsthand the need for adoptive families when he visited Romanian orphanages on a youth mission’s trip years prior. Although I wasn’t a big fan of his last name, I agreed whole-heartedly to becoming his “Mrs. Mann” in 2008.

Through a turn of events that can only be accredited to God’s sense of humor, we ended up moving to China as teachers a few years later, despite my serious concerns about Chinese food. Orange Chicken and I weren’t good friends and I couldn’t imagine a whole country filled with nothing but Panda Express-ish cuisine. Thankfully, my stereotypical ideas of Chinese food were completely and utterly wrong! This American quickly learned that there is no such thing as “orange chicken” in China, only oily goodness that I’ve craved every day since.

I had high dreams of going into orphanages and rocking crying babies, however foreigners weren’t allowed into the orphanages in our city. However, we did have the privilege of walking beside friends who adopted from China and had another friend who ran a foster home, so we were able to learn firsthand the desperate need for adoptive families for precious Chinese children.

But we didn’t qualify yet to adopt from China and would still have to wait many more impatient years. During the waiting season, God taught us lessons of trust and faith in Him despite serious battles with the one-eyed monster, Mr. Fear. We, who lived in China, knew the language, and celebrated the culture, but were almost paralyzingly scared to dip our toes in this mysterious world of adoption. Thankfully, our loving heavenly Father built a solid worldwide community around us and led us to a church with numerous adoptive and foster families once we moved back to the States. Plus, He gave us a blonde-headed, blue-eyed little girl, growing our family in His perfect timing and perfect way.

Somehow, I found No Hands But Ours and gobbled every post, researching and preparing for the day we could say “yes” to every one of China’s qualifications. It gave us such strength and encouragement that we weren’t the only crazy ones wanting to bring a child home from a culture much different than our own.

Finally, on November 28, 2017, with pounding heart, we sent in the initial packet to our agency and eagerly began combing the advocacy websites for our precious little boy. (At that time, you could be matched at any time to a Special Focus child.) We sweated over and Googled every special need on the MCC (medical checklist) and wondered how in the world could we provide for a child with possibly significant medical needs on our teacher’s salaries.

I begged my husband daily if we could request the file of each precious little soul that paraded across my computer screen. I thought he’d never, ever say “yes!” But then, one day about two months into the process, I saw a profile that caught my eye.

It wasn’t his piercing eyes or seriously adorable look that captured my attention. It was his name.

Man.

Yes, the very same name as our last name, minus one letter. His file said the nannies called him “Man Man” and he was ten months younger than our daughter. Ironically, his special needs listed were delayed development and anemia. Through our friend’s experience with children coming from institutionalized living into her foster home, we were already prepared for a child with global delays in speech, motor skills, and cognitive abilities. And funny enough, I had anemia as a teen and already knew quite a bit about it. (So much for those hours of becoming Dr. Google!)

Even though his name seemed like a pretty obvious flashing sign from God that he was ours, we spent a week praying, struggling, and asking medical professionals to review his file. We got opinions that his needs could be anything from minor to serious, making us realize that we just needed to trust God and say a resolute “yes” to this precious child who already shared our name.

A few days before leaving to bring him home, we joined a chat group with the other families in who were in our travel group. We noticed that one family was coming from the same city as our son’s orphanage, which just so happened to be only two-hour fast train from where we previously lived in China. To make a long story short, this adoptive mom used to be a social worker at our son’s orphanage and gave us so many details about our son’s wonderful first home. And the icing on the cake? She not only lived in our same state and city, but just a few minutes down the road from us! Today we go to the same church and our sons play side-by-side while we have community group together in our home. Astonishing!

Our new friend also told us that his orphanage was formerly part of the ICC (International China Concern) partnership program, making this the sprinkles on the icing of an amazingly orchestrated-by-God cake! The man who founded ICC previously attended our church in Hong Kong and we had heard, seen, prayed for, and given to support their work with orphans in China for years.

Only God, in His almighty sovereignty could plan that our son with our last name would be cared for in a place that we were already praying for and that we would be placed in a same travel group as someone who previously worked in his orphanage and now lives a few minutes away!

Sometimes you have to take a giant leap of faith in the adoption world and say a daring “yes” to a child with so many unknowns. But it’s been a beautiful thing to stand back and be awestruck at how God was weaving the beautiful tapestry of our son’s life all the while, making him a perfect fit for our family. God’s impeccable plan was beyond what we could have ever imagined and on November 28, 2018, we made him officially a “Mann,“ one year to the day we started the adoption process.

Two days after our son, whom we renamed “Titus” (because “Man Man Mann” would be just slightly confusing!), was placed in our arms, we had the privilege of visiting his first home and family. We are so thankful that he spent his beginning two years of life in a colorful and caring place, however our hearts left burdened for all those precious souls we left behind. It felt like a flashback to twenty-five years ago, when the seed of adoption was planted deep in my heart.

We brought our three-year old daughter with us to China and as we were leaving, she asked, “Where are mommies and daddies for these boys and girls? They need mommies and daddies too, just like my brother.” We are so grateful God is at work in her young heart and she already has big plans of filling our house with as many brothers and sisters from China that she can!

Titus has transitioned splendidly into our family and most of his developmental delays have been addressed with a nurturing family atmosphere. Now, he’s able to jump, climb (furniture is his specialty!), swim, run, and do just about everything his big sister does. He approaches life with caution, sitting back and observing before diving into something new. For example, it took him about three months to step into the pool on his own, however once he realized it is a safe and fun place, he’s been our little water bug ever since!

His language abilities are still a bit delayed, however he is adding to his vocabulary every day, with his most favorite sentence being, “I want more bacon!” We are so grateful for our daughter who has become his personal translator and can understand about 95% of what he says. Most of the time though they seem to communicate in their own little language and their adorable tight-knit bond is nothing short of miraculous. Their favorite activity to play together is loading their backpacks with toys and pretending to fly to China…to bring back another brother or sister of course!

And after a few months of home-cooked meals and green smoothies, his anemia has been resolved! He’s gained five whole pounds and grown two inches in the last ten months, mostly due to his love of bacon!

Of course we couldn’t shake our daughter’s pleas or the faces of the beloved children we left behind, so we started our adoption journey again this summer as soon as we were able. We know some families are surprised with a child whose needs are much greater or different that what was in the file, however we are thankful our son’s special needs have been easily manageable, allowing us to pursue another son or daughter as quickly as possible.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and that is definitely true in adoption. We wish we could take back those wasted hours and squandered energy worrying about how we would be matched to our son. We spent many hours lying awake at night doubting if this new child would truly fit into our family, bond with us and our daughter.

If only we could have seen a snapshot of our home today, with our son and daughter spending every waking moment playing, laughing, and learning together.

We wondered how we could afford the adoption expenses and life with a child possibly having major medical needs, only to see now how God has provided everything that we need. And we worried how we would preserve our son’s Chinese culture and identify with his given name. Never in a million years would we have guessed he would get to keep his name, just adding an extra letter to it. He now interchangeably calls himself “Titus” and “Man Man,” while we marvel at how our little man is flourishing in our family!

So what is in a name?

Every child is just one courageous family’s “yes” away from being called son.

Daughter.                                                                                                         

Brother.

Sister.

Wanted.

Chosen.

Loved.

– guest post by Brittany: email || Facebook || Instagram 

We are their world and they are ours…..

A few months back I wrote about the first time I rocked my son to sleep. He was four and had never let me rock him in the two years we had been home with him. It was a little thing for most moms, but a huge moment for us.

Attachment is an ongoing and changing part of life in the adoption world. Somedays it’s amazing and other days it can be heartbreaking reminder of early childhood trauma that we, as parents, just cannot fix.

It is important during times of change to be mindful of attachment and how it fits into each part of our day.

We recently moved into our new home. A much bigger house to suit a busy boy and his new dog. During the move I was having a typical conversation with my son (honestly, I don’t remember about what) and a friend of ours looked at me and said, “You are his world.”

A seemingly simple comment, but a really that comment is anything but simple.

In the day to day of life with a sensory seeking toddler I have few moments to slow down. But during this move, it was more than crucial we didn’t let stress overwhelm us. My husband and I are used to moving as we are a military family, but our son, was not.

In just two years time he experienced…

the loss of a first family; leaving the orphanage which was the only home he’d known; leaving a culture; moving to a new country; entering into a new family; and having to learn a new culture. That’s an incredible amount of change for such a young person.

His special needs are incredibly minor, but nonetheless we have therapy and social groups to attend weekly. Add in a move and all the stress that comes with it and we could have had a disaster.

But, we didn’t. In fact, quite the opposite. He went house hunting with us so he was a part of the process every step of the way. He is verbal now, so he was able to communicate all his questions and excitement. He was so happy to show everyone his very own room. Side note, he had a room in the old house, but we co-slept so he didn’t really make a connection to that room.

This move brought about such growth in this little guy. His communication exploded because he was so excited and curious. He decided he wanted to sleep on his own like a big boy. In being a big boy now he also decided to take potty training very seriously so he could wear his big boy underwear. He started riding his big bike with training wheels. He was moving more and more toward typical four-year-old milestones.

With all this new independence I was starting to notice he was needing me less and less. But, let me tell you, I was wrong.

He still needed me, just in a different way.

You see, the day to day is where we tend to miss the little moments. The moments, as my friend pointed out, where we are their world. We are their world because our worlds revolve around one another in the most amazing way.

The day to day moments are the ones worth stopping for: when he sits on the couch and silently snuggles up and holds my hand; when he asks me to feed him; when he wants me to read him a book; when he holds my face and says I love you mommy; when he asks why a million times a day.

These moments are the world to him and to me. These moments are the moments where he needs me as much as I need him.

As hectic as special needs and adoption parenting is, these little reminders each day of how we fit into each other’s worlds give me pause. The parent-child relationship ebbs and flows over the years. As much as I want him to stay little, I am excited to see what the future will hold for this little guy. I just hope this mama’s heart can handle the growing independence.

– guest post by Dana

Our son Falcon’s adoption story began three years before he was born. We were in China adopting our first child, a baby girl, through the NSN program. Touring her orphanage, I remember cresting the top of the four flights of stairs, excited to hear the sound of little voices. We asked our guide if we could play with the babies. The director of the orphanage quickly said something to the nanny who, in turn, looked toward us with eyes cast downward as she closed the door.

“No. You cannot go in there because these children have some special medical problems.”

The shame on their faces imparted so much. What would it be like to grow up in a place where you were hidden away? As we were ushered down the hallway to the NSN baby play room, I remember whispering to my husband right then and there, “We’ll be back and we’ll do a special needs adoption next time.”

Four years went by, during which time we adopted our second and third children, both with special needs, through U.S. foster care. Our family was happy and thriving, but those kids in China behind the closed door had not stopped tugging at my heart.

I’d written our children’s names down in my prayer journal and added one more name to the list. I had envisioned adding a little boy with cleft lip and palate to our family. He would be called Falcon, and we’d keep his Chinese name as a middle name like we had done for our daughter. Since I didn’t know the middle name, out of the blue I wrote down Falcon Xin Bao.

Another year later, we sent in our application to adopt two children through China’s Special Focus program. We had fallen in love with a five year old girl we’d seen on an advocacy site. When we got her file, we learned that her name was Xin Ai. Wow. I had intuited half of her name “Xin”. We let our agency know that we also wanted to be matched with a little boy. We checked off many different special needs that we were open to parenting.

One month later we got the call. Would we be interested in a baby boy with a third degree cleft lip and palate? His name was Tian Bao. That was all I needed to hear. Bao. It was the second half of the name I had written a year prior (at a time when China had only been allowing the adoption of one child at a time)!

We opened his file to see a beautiful, stoic baby boy in a puffy blue snowsuit. He had the deepest, most soul-piercing eyes, a unilateral cleft lip and palate and a little squished nose and he was perfect!

In his file was a photo that we weren’t as prepared for, showing the inside of his mouth. His cleft was severe and complete. Later, our surgeon would share that it was one of the widest clefts he had seen in over thirty years of specializing in craniofacial plastic surgery. At the same time, he was very reassuring and confident that he could help our son.

One day during the wait, we received an update about our son that included a new photo. There he was, with his lip already repaired! Someone had done an amazing job! We’d later find out it had been repaired by Smile Train.

This was great news, as our doctors had explained that once the lip repair is done, it functions as a brace to bring the sides of the palate closer together.

We traveled to China and the day finally came for us to meet our son! He was so quiet and tiny, malnourished with a fever of 104 degrees. He looked exhausted, as if he had traveled seven thousand miles to get to us. He walked straight into our hearts. He clung to his Daddy like a baby koala.

Whenever his Daddy had to pry him off of his chest in order to take a shower, he cried and pounded his fists on the bathroom door of our hotel room. I vowed to put a smile on that face as soon as possible. It only took a dose of Tylenol and a couple hours with his family to make that happen!

In order to give Falcon time to bond, we waited seven months once we got home for his second surgery. This was to be his palate repair and placement of tubes in his ears (common among cleft- affected kids). He went in with a smile, as I choked back tears watching them roll him through the doors of the operating room. It was terrifying to bring a child all of this way and then have to let go and trust that he would recover.

It was Valentine’s Day and we couldn’t think of a better way to share our love than to have a lunch date in the hospital cafeteria waiting on our little guy to come out of surgery. This time, Falcon had a family right by his side the whole time. His big brother prepared him a bed on the couch and snuggled by his side as soon as he got home. My husband and I set up a mattress and took shifts.

Each of Falcon’s surgeries has been one overnight stay in the hospital. My husband and I alternate who stays over with him because it truly is great bonding time. His surgeries have been spread about two years apart.

Next was a palate lengthening surgery, and then a bone graft. The bone graft ended up being a little bit tougher because they took the piece of bone from his hip, which hurt more than his mouth! This kid is an amazing warrior and always bounces back within three days of surgery. Good pain management and lots of ice cream go a long way!

The hardest thing for Falcon, and for us as a family, hasn’t been the surgeries; it has been the coping with his grief. For the first four years of his life, he struggled with speech apraxia. He didn’t have the ability to speak clearly. He had a lot of emotions trapped in there, and it was a frustration that I didn’t feel prepared for! He had severe tantrums between the ages of three and five.

One evening when Falcon was four years old (he’d been home two years at the time) my husband locked his keys in the car and needed me to meet him in his parking lot at work with the spare key. I loaded up the kids and we made the hour trip to deliver the key. Once together, we all went out to dinner at a nearby Chinese buffet. Dinner went the usual way with staff all whispering and gazing in awe at our mixed family of hungry kiddos.

When it was time to go, Falcon had followed my husband up to pay the bill. I came to fetch him on my way to the restroom because he was infamous for having to go potty at the most inconvenient times and I knew he wouldn’t last the hour ride. He refused. Using one of his only words, he said, “No,” very seriously. I went to take his hand, insisting. “No!” he said. So I picked him up and carried him to the restroom. He screamed bloody murder! It was out of place, and the stares were palpable.

We got to the restroom and he screamed the whole time in the stall scrambling like a frightened squirrel to get out. He clung to my legs for dear life. He was acting like I was taking him away forever.

Then the realization sunk in. He thought I was about to abandon him in the restroom while Daddy snuck out the door with the other children. I was broken for him.

At two years home, I had thought he was so secure in his family. Although his speech was only a few words by then, his receptive language was spot on. I knelt down and cupped my hands around his elbows, looked him in the eyes.

“Falcon, did you think I was going to leave you here?“

He peeped out the tiniest squeak of a “Yes,” his eyes brimming, his whole body shaking.

“I will never leave you Falcon, you are a part of our family forever. You are our little boy and we are Never going to leave you. We love you! You are coming home with us!”

He collapsed into me. I carried him out to the minivan and buckled him into his car seat, still whimpering. On the way home, all of the kids fell fast asleep, except for Falcon. He was a sentinel in fight or flight mode.

A thousand times he asked me wide-eyed, “Where’s Daddy?” And I’d point out Daddy’s tail lights in front of us. When we turned down our street and neared our driveway, Falcon started clapping and exclaimed one of his first words, “Home!” His voice was different, relieved, the fear had left it, and was replaced with a new and deeper trust and joy. “Home!” he repeated.

“Yes, Buddy, We’re home.”

After that, the little feeble, fearful boy vanished. Falcon became absolutely fearless. At five years old we went to camp and this pint-sized Spider Man was suited up and climbing the ropes course so high I had to hold my breath just watching him. His confidence soared.

Falcon also became a ladies’ man. At the restaurant where we frequently eat Sunday brunch, he charmed our favorite waitress. One day, he presented her with a plastic ring from the gum ball machine, and asked her to marry him. She played along happily, flattered that he didn’t mind she was fifty years his senior. Falcon’s beaming smile is recognized everywhere we go. He always makes a huge impression on people.

Something I never tire of is watching our children rally around one another. Our community pool has four sections. So far, being the youngest and smallest, Falcon had been swimming in the second section. He desperately wanted to gain the privilege to swim in the next section, which is over his head, without a life jacket. He knew in order to do this he would need to swim ten laps without touching the bottom of the pool. His big sister and big brother swam the whole ten laps, one on either side of him. With Falcon’s tenacity, and that kind of support, he can do anything he sets his mind to.

Although this article focuses on cleft lip and cleft palate, this special need is not Falcon’s identity any more than the root canal I just had, is mine.

Falcon is just a boy who happened to need some surgeries.

He is nine years old now and is preparing to get partial braces (as he’s missing two adult teeth). He still takes speech class, but can order his own food at the restaurant and is understood perfectly well. Falcon is full of joy, loves beating everyone at Monopoly, and training to one day win American Ninja Warriors. He likes watching PBS on his Kindle Fire and can floss like a boss. Falcon is very talented at building in Minecraft.

Falcon is the most adorable, caring, and obedient child. In third grade he was given an award for being the “Most Understanding”. We couldn’t be more proud of our son’s transformation. We are blessed to be continually witnessing the gift of him unfold.

And that Chinese name? It means Heaven Treasure. And that’s just what he is.

– guest post by Charmaine

“Mom, can we please do a lemonade stand today?” begged the kids. They had been wanting to do one for a long time, so I reluctantly agreed to do a stand that hot day in May 2015. We got a poster board, some lemonade, a table, and headed down to a park in our neighborhood. Although we profited about $20 that day, the Lord birthed an incredible idea in the hearts of our children.

While we were sitting there doing our stand, one by one, ideas began to pop up. One child commented that they wanted to give the money we raised that day to Lifeline. Wheels started turning, and my children were blurting out ideas fast and furiously: “Let’s not only give this money to Lifeline, but let’s encourage other kids to host their own stands and give the money to help kids around the world.” “What if we asked a donor to match all the money raised this summer up to a certain dollar amount?”

Later that day when Herbie got home, we bombarded him with all our ideas and then asked if we could call Rick Morton, Lifeline’s Vice President of Engagement, to share our ideas with him as well. That night we bought the domain names standfororphans.com and standfororphans.org.

Stand for Orphans® was official.

As a family, we have spent many hours in orphanages around the world in places like China and Colombia. The sights and smells are like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Seeing orphans with my own eyes definitely spurs me to do something for them. It took the simple idea of selling lemonade to bring to fruition what had been stirring in my heart for years – a means of engaging children here at home to do something tangible to help children around the world.

From a young age, we have tried to teach our children that life is not about them. Stand for Orphans is a great way to demonstrate this truth. They use hard work and determination, not for their own benefit, but for the benefit of others. Nothing makes me more excited than to see my kids’ passion for helping children around the world who are just like them.

Many times, as the church, I think we have the mindset that serving is reserved for adults. However, I strongly believe that the more we involve children in thinking about and serving others, the more likely it will become a natural part of their lives. Thus, serving others will be carried into adulthood and throughout their lives.

The values of generosity, serving others, compassion, selflessness, hard work, determination, ingenuity, and entrepreneurship are taught through Stand for Orphans. Aren’t these values that we all want for our children? Stand for Orphans is a perfect way to engage your kids at an early age in caring for others – even people they cannot see with their own eyes.

It is a simple, yet effective way to engage local communities to make a global impact.

Frequently Asked Questions:

 1. Why should we participate?

There are 153 million orphans worldwide that need our help! God commands us in James 1:27 to care for the orphan and the widow. While adoption is certainly one way to care for the orphan, the reality is that less than half of one percent of all orphans will be adopted. Consequently, that leaves millions of precious image-bearers languishing in orphanages around the world.

While you may not have room at the table in your home to make another orphan a son or daughter, we can all do something to care for the fatherless.

2. What should we sell at our stand?

Anything! Lemonade, brownies, cookies, bracelets, slime, hand-made crafts, etc. Get creative!

3. When/where should we do our stand?

Location, location, location – it really does matter. The last thing you want to do is get all set up and then not have any customers. Try to go to a populated place such as a park, dog park, Farmer’s market, splash pad, your church, or in front of a local business (Make sure to ask for permission first!). Do a stand in conjunction with a yard sale – a neighborhood yard sale would be even better!

4. Who can be involved?

Anyone – young to not so young. This is what makes Stand for Orphans such a unique fundraiser. Use it as an opportunity to bring your family together to help those who don’t yet have a family.

Sign up for your kit at StandForOrphans.org!

Help us spread the word so that numerous families will participate in the Stand for Orphans initiative, resulting in more children being helped. Post your pictures on social media using the hashtag #standfororphans and encourage others to do their own stands.

Tell your moms’ groups, Bible study groups, book club, PTO, sports teams, etc. about Stand for Orphans and encourage them to do a stand as well. Ask your church if you could set up a stand one Sunday after church as people are leaving.

Maybe you know someone who would be willing to match all the donations you make at your stand – who could you approach to ask if they would be willing to match?

Doing a lemonade stand as a kid seems like a rite of passage. Why not make it count for something other than ourselves?

The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. – Proverbs 11:25 (NLT)

– guest post by Ashley Newell

Life is full of things we thought we could never handle… until we have to.

As we considered growing our family via adoption, one thing we thought we “couldn’t handle” was a child with limited mobility. We already had three very active children. We love to hike, bike, go to the beach or spend a day exploring the city. We did not want that to change.

Thankfully, though, we chose to approach adoption with an attitude of complete submission.

We wanted God to write our story, not us.

This meant making our choice of gender, age and special needs as broad as possible. But we still had our ideas of what we thought we could handle. We also asked God to make it abundantly clear who the child was that would complete our family.

Once our dossier was off to China and we were waiting on a match from our agency, it occurred to me that the medical needs we had dealt with the most with our older three children were orthopedic. All three of our children have broken both arms, some of them multiple times. We have also had one broken finger, one broken leg and one broken foot. And, yes, our children drink a lot of milk! We could definitely handle an orthopedic need.

When our agency finally sent us a match, my heart sunk almost immediately. Something about the little girl’s file and medical needs did not seem right for our family. While doing some research online about this little girl, I managed to find the NGO where she was receiving care. As I looked through their website, I saw a little boy who caught my attention. I let our agency know we did not believe the file they had sent us was our child, but we would like to know more about the little boy we had seen.

For about two weeks, we waited while our agency worked to get the file of this little boy. In the meantime, our family reunited with some old friends who had moved away. We shared with them that we were waiting to hear about the possibility of being matched with this little boy. I mentioned the name of the NGO that was caring for him and my friend, Kim, said she had a friend who had just returned from volunteering for a year in China at this particular NGO. She was going to reach out to her and see if she was right.

What were the chances?!?

The next week, we received his file. All of the medical information was over two years old and he was now 4.5 years old. We learned he was born with bilateral club feet and bilateral webbed elbows. From information on the NGO’s website, we learned that his clubfeet were corrected under their care at the age of three and he was now walking.

Around the same time, we also learned from Kim that indeed her friend had worked at the NGO and knew this little boy quite well. We were able to connect with her and learned a lot about him. We learned he was an incredibly smart, determined and friendly child. Nothing about his physical disabilities seemed to slow him down and, if anything, it heightened his ability to focus and learn.

In her words, “You should run to get him!”

That was all we needed to hear.

Once we received LOA, I began to do some more digging into what might be the cause of his being born with two major bilateral orthopedic needs. I googled “born with bilateral club feet and webbed elbows” and began to read about some scary stuff. Even as I read some scary diagnosis, I was reminded that God had used our friend as well as his orthopedic medical needs to make it abundantly clear that he was our child.

Thanks to the NGO providing his care, we were able to get more detailed photos of his hands, feet and other features. And through my online research, I narrowed the cause of his special needs down to a rare genetic disorder called Nail-Patella Syndrome. But only genetic testing once he was home could confirm this.

Nail-Patella Syndrome has two distinct features and many others that can occur. The main two features are missing or malformed fingernails and missing or malformed kneecaps. From photos, I was able to gather that our son had malformed fingernails and missing kneecaps. There were also two other major issues that can develop with this syndrome: one relating to the eyes (glaucoma) and one relating to the kidneys. Again, this all sounded pretty scary, but we moved forward with confidence that this little boy was our son.

On Friday, November 9, 2018, we met our son in person for the first time at the NGO in Beijing. He was so much smaller than we ever could have imagined (also a part of Nail-Patella Syndrome) and so much smarter and braver than we ever could have imagined, too.

We were able to spend two days getting to know him and letting him get used to the idea of us at the NGO before we all traveled to his home province on Sunday for Family Day. On November 12th, Meng Bei became our Henry Bei (still affectionately known as “Bei Bei”).

Our time in China with him was a dream come true. We fell in love with our son and his birth country and look forward to returning someday.

His first six months home have been full of some of the hardest and most beautiful moments for our family. He has attached beautifully to each of us. As usual, Baba is the fun guy who everyone runs to the door to greet when he comes home in the evening. Mommy is a must when comfort and cuddles are needed. Jie Jie (big sister) is a great substitute “mom” when mommy needs a break. Our “middle child” Ge Ge is good for a toss on the couch or a tickle fest. Our youngest Ge Ge is the best big brother we could have ever hoped for. And, our Bei Bei makes us smile just by walking in the room and guarantees we will get a lot of attention wherever we go from now on.

The past six months have also been full of a lot of doctor appointments. We were able to confirm the Nail-Patella Syndrome through genetic testing. We have a team of specialists at Boston Children’s Hospital that includes a geneticist, two orthopedists (one for arms, one for legs), an ophthalmologist and a nephrologist. We also have weekly PT, OT and speech therapy (for feeding). We have begun preparing for school next year with meetings regarding his 504 plan for accommodations due to his medical condition.

As you might remember our thoughts on not being able to handle a child with limited mobility, we are learning to make adjustments. While Bei Bei can walk, he doesn’t go anywhere very quickly. While he can be carried for hiking and ride along on a bike for now, accommodations will be needed in the future. Exploring the city pretty much consists of navigating traffic in and out for doctor appointments right now.

As he grows and ages, the chances of limited mobility go up dramatically due to the lack of knee caps and nothing to stabilize bones, muscles and tendons. Our prayer is with good medical care including lots of PT, he will be able to walk unassisted and without pain for as long as possible. We also pray for stability in his vision and kidney function.

Bei Bei is the most wonderful reminder that when we give over control and let God write our story, He will write a story that is bigger and more beautiful than we ever could have imagined.

I’m so glad we didn’t look at Bei’s medical condition as that thing we couldn’t handle. Instead, we looked at the almost unbelievable story God was writing as He weaved our lives together and added the missing piece to our family.

– guest post by Amy: facebook || email

My husband and I love talking about adoption. Among our greatest joys is sharing our journey with others and communicating that God uses the most ordinary of people (like us!) to participate in something extraordinary.

I always feel a deep need to impress upon those who are considering the call to adopt that every family’s story looks different. The joys, the fears and the struggles are so individual and couldn’t ever be prescriptive for others. I know of families that have gone through unimaginable pain and trauma with their adoption journey. And I’ve known families who’ve experienced unbelievable joy and bonding. It is my prayer that as families share our stories this month, that prospective adoptive families will gain a realistic picture of the potential struggles with craniofacial needs, but will recognize the amazing joys and delights, especially as they relate to the journey to communicate.

Years ago I sat down with a doctor friend to obtain counsel as to what special needs our family was equipped to handle. We don’t live in a big city with renowned surgeons, and we really didn’t have a strong sense of calling to a particular “need.” At that point, we indicated on our form that we would consider a child with craniofacial abnormalities.

A lot of time passed. Our adoption journey was unusual (another long story), so after obtaining our LID in 2008, it would be another eight years before we were matched with a little boy and traveled to China. During that interim, God gave us two biological children, as well as a lot of other family changes. I quit my full-time job, and my husband began a second part-time job in addition to his full-time university teaching position.

Fast forward to March 2016. At that time, after a lot of uncertainties, our agency sent us a couple of files to consider, and we matched with a little 18-month-old boy who had a repaired cleft lip, and an unrepaired cleft palate. In our decision-making, I can honestly say that his special need never caused us much anxiety.

I was very naïve at that point. I assumed that cleft care was pretty straightforward, although I did enough reading to know that there could be some challenges, depending on the child. We thought we were mentally prepared for the journey to surgery and the years of speech therapy that would be ahead of us. Our last update before we left for China showed that our son was very healthy and robust – a far cry from his 9-month-old referral photo.

When I met Asher, a month and a half before his second birthday, he was basically non-verbal. That’s what his file had indicated, and that’s what I found to be true. He did make noises, and I was constantly asking our guide if she recognized them to be approximations of Chinese words. She couldn’t recognize any of his sounds.

He had no problems eating during our weeks in China, although his paperwork had indicated that he was primarily on bottles. He also did not need the special cleft bottle that I had brought along. I had also brought a specific sippy cup that a fellow cleft adoptive mom had suggested, so we worked hard on that from the beginning, and he eventually was able to drink water easily from it by the time we left for the USA.

As soon as we got home, I started all the rounds of appointments with his pediatrician, ENT, and palate surgeon and began the application process for early intervention therapy, including speech therapy. We are blessed to have a surgeon in our city who specializes in pediatric facial surgery, but since he is the only one, we had to wait to see him. And, after that initial consult, there was another long wait for surgery. I wasn’t worried about that – from everything I had read it was not a bad idea to have plenty of bonding time before going into major surgery.

Asher’s ears were pretty typical for a little boy born with an open palate. His hearing tests came back indicating that he needed intervention, so our ENT (a fellow adoptive China dad!) put in ear tubes which had an almost immediate effect.

What delighted us the most was that upon coming home, Asher almost immediately began to try to speak. Although there were many sounds that he could not produce, the point was that he was trying. We were thrilled to find a speech therapist whose specialty was working with cleft kids, and she began working with him verbally and with sign language just as soon as we could get the paperwork approved. Even though he would ultimately not have his palate surgery until nine months after coming home, he made consistent progress with his speech therapist in the interim.

Surgery was a challenge – as I’m sure it always is. Asher was an avid ambidextrous thumb sucker, so for our 2-year-old to wake up with arm restraints was extremely traumatic. However, after that first rough week, he healed amazingly well. He ate his soft diet without too much protest. Favorites were a porridge made of ground up cheerios with milk and chicken broth, quinoa, and cooked broccoli pulverized in our blender. And he never went back to thumb sucking.

As we entered this new life of doctors and therapies, I began to deepen in my understanding of the challenges connected to this special need. When I was in China, I remember feeling almost embarrassed that Asher even was considered to have a special need. The other families in my travel group were adopting children with profound special needs – Down syndrome, blindness and profound hearing loss. However, once we came home, I began to understand that communication struggles could be much more profound than I had imagined.

In the Lord’s providence, Asher himself has not experienced a great deal of struggle. Everything has certainly taken time – and he has not always gracefully submitted to the multiple surgeries, procedures, and therapies. However, as I’ve read more about the cleft community and built friendships with other families, I began to understand that there is often no straightforward path to communication and healing.

While Asher has made steady progress with his speech and has not required additional palate surgeries, I began to meet families whose children had experienced myriad surgeries due to fissures and failed bone grafts. Our dearest adoptive friends have experienced the complications of multiple p-flap surgeries and sleep apnea.

We’ve learned to not take the road to communication for granted.

The biggest key to Asher’s progress has definitely been the amazing speech therapists that have poured their lives into him. He will have been home three years this September, and the three women that have worked with him have persevered through toddler willfulness, inattention and just plain orneriness. I will forever be grateful to them and to the Lord for giving him the gift of communication.

As Asher gets ready to turn five this fall, and we begin to think ahead to school, I am encouraged that God will continue to provide the people he needs on this journey.

I know that as Asher matures, he’ll face new challenges – his bone graft, extensive orthodontic work, decisions about cosmetic lip revisions and scarring, as well as dealing with the grief that adoptive children face. One of the things we are trying to do as a family is provide him with friendships with other adoptive children so that as he grows, he will have friends with whom to relate and share.

We cannot imagine our life without our precious boy. He delights us and continues to teach us what love looks like.

We will never take for granted the priceless gift of communication.

– guest post by Anne

Early in our marriage, my husband showed interest in the idea of adopting.

“Wouldn’t it be great to be able to give a family to a child who doesn’t have one?” he said one day.

I remember thinking, “I don’t know if adoption is for me. I don’t know if I could do that.”

Throughout the years, the idea of adopting came up periodically; looking back I can see that God was watering the seed He had planted in my heart. After we had our second biological child, my husband’s friend was adopting an older special needs child, and my husband said to me, “We need to be open to adoption. We need to pray about this.”

At that time, in the midst of working over 40 hours a week and having two young kids, I remember thinking, “I don’t know if I can handle any more kids.”

But over the years, the desire to adopt continued to grow in my heart. Shortly after we had our third biological child, I brought the idea of adoption up with my husband. His reply? “That was before we had three kids.”

In the following year and a half, we spoke about adopting, and prayed about adopting. I really wanted to pursue knowing God with all I had, including his heart for the orphan. What I believe was a call to adopt became so strong; I knew that I needed to move forward if my husband said yes, but, if he said no, I needed to accept his no and let it go. This time period included a lot of earnest prayer, and laying the desire to adopt down over and over again at God’s feet.

My husband is a high school math teacher turned stay at home dad and I am a full time OB/GYN physician with a very busy work schedule, including nights and weekends. He is the primary care giver of our children. He had his hands full as a stay at home dad of our three biological children and he knew what a huge commitment it would be to bring another child – especially a child adopted from another country with special needs – into our family. He wanted to be sure he was ready for this lifetime commitment before we proceeded.

During this period of waiting on God and waiting on my husband, my husband and I had conversations about how we could lay down our comfort for God’s sake – and if one way of doing this was through adoption. I am truly grateful that my husband is committed to following Christ and that he was willing to earnestly seek God’s will in our lives.

In early 2017, my husband said that he wanted the two of us to fast and pray about starting the adoption process. We met the elders of our church to talk to them and pray together at the end of our fast. Shortly after this, my husband agreed that God was calling us to begin the adoption process.

We began to process to adopt from China in February of 2017. In February of 2018, we were officially matched with our son, Ethan, who was 18 months old at the time. I traveled to bring him home in June of 2018.

Overall, we feel that Ethan has transitioned very well into our family. He was welcomed warmly by our two older daughters. Our youngest daughter took a bit longer to warm up to him because she was used to being the baby of the family; she is only one year older than Ethan.

For about the first nine months that Ethan was home, he woke up three times a night. He seemed to be having nightmares and he would wake up seemingly not aware of where he was. Thankfully, this improved and now he is sleeping through the night. Ethan also scratched himself when falling asleep at night to the point of causing bleeding and scabbing, likely a way for him to cope with his anxiety. This has also resolved, although it still happens with certain stressors such as traveling, sleeping in a different place or recovering from surgery.

Ethan had surgery at eight months of age in China to repair his cleft lip, but his cleft palate was not repaired in China. He had surgery to repair his cleft palate here in the United States in January of 2019. His lip had to be fully reopened and repaired again at that time in order to repair his palate.

Ethan healed from his surgery and started speech therapy once a week. His speech therapist says that it will take time for him to learn his consonant sounds, but he is working very hard. Ethan’s surgeon says that his next surgery will be a bone graft between ages 6 and 8.

Ethan is truly a delightful child. He loves his three older sisters and he loves his parents! He is very active and loves to ride his bike and play in dirt or sand. He also loves to dance.

He is our treasured son. We are very grateful and blessed to have him in our family. I am grateful for how God placed adoption in our hearts and fulfilled this part of His plan in our life through entrusting us to be Ethan’s parents.

–  guest post by Ani: facebook || email 

Touch is a powerful thing. It can hurt tragically, and it can heal supernaturally. It makes neurons fire in our brain like the fourth of July.

Touch is a remarkable God-given tool to build relationship and connection from the neighborly casual to the most intimate. And, it’s something our children who have had hard starts often have a hard time with.

Some kids can’t get enough of it; some kids struggle to accept and receive it at all. And when they struggle with touch, we as parents struggle along with them.

We want to respect where they are with it all, but we also want to do our best to help them increase their capacity. When our kids are small, we can hold them, literally “wear” them, co-sleep, guard those moments when we feel trust and connection can build. But, those small kids grow bigger, and our strategies to help them give and receive touch have to grow with them.

If your hugs and kisses aren’t readily accepted, here are some ideas of other ways you can connect with your kids through touch:

• Give a simple high five.
• Make up a special handshake for just the two of you.
• Make a pinky promise.
• Touch his or her back as you walk by.
• Give a quick one-arm side hug.
• Standing next to your child, give him or her a gentle and silly “hip bump.”
• Ruffle your child’s hair (unless your child puts efforts into styling it ).
• Ask to hold your child’s hand not just when you cross the street or are in a crowd.
• Offer a piggyback ride.
• Finger paint together with real paint or with shaving cream on a baking sheet.
• Play with playdough together, looking for opportunities to work together to make something.
• Trace your child’s hand slowly, and invite your child to trace yours.
• Ask your child to close his or her eyes and then use something around the house to touch his or her arm (like a cotton ball, Q-tip, paint brush, shoelace, etc.) and have your child guess what it was.
• “Draw” shapes or letters on your child’s back with your finger and have your child guess what each one was.
• Read a book to your child side-by-side so that your sides are touching.
• Invite your child to flip the pages of the book you are holding so the book itself serves as a physical connector between you.
• Pet an animal together so the animal serves as the physical connector between you.
• Apply lotion to his or her hands.
• Take your time putting on a band-aid even if it isn’t really needed.
• Paint your child’s nails.
• Have fun putting makeup on each other’s faces.
• Help your child put his or her socks and shoes on without a rush.
• Whisper something while cupping his or her ear with your hand.
• Wash your child’s hair in the bath. Don’t rush as if you are just getting the job done. Go slowly, and vary the pressure.
• Play hair salon, and wash your child’s hair in the sink or simply brush and style it.
• Give your child an “eskimo” or “butterfly” kiss.

 It’s good for them. And, it’s good for us too.

Ever since I was a young girl, I knew that I wanted to someday get married and to be a mom. I dreamed of having children born from my womb and children born from my heart. After college, I met the man of my dreams and we married in March 2006.

A year and half into our marriage, I gave birth to our first child, a beautiful daughter, then nineteen months later, I gave birth to our handsome son. Two years later, adoption went on the back burner as we decided to get pregnant one more time and were blessed to add another precious baby boy to our family. With that, our hands and hearts were full, and we were definitely done growing our family. Or so we thought.

I still loved adoption and had a soft spot for it in my heart. My husband and I were some of the biggest cheerleaders and supporters of family and friends as they pursued adoption in their families. We participated in their fundraisers, provided respite care for them, welcomed them home from their journeys and celebrated each adoption with them.

In 2015, when our youngest son was nearing the age of three and we were no longer in the trenches of the baby stage, the Lord began to slowly stir in my heart once again what had laid dormant for so long…. the possibility of growing our family through adoption.

Over the ensuing months, that little stirring slowly turned into a burning flame and I knew without a doubt that we were called to adopt; that it wasn’t a matter of if we would, but when we would. Furthermore, I knew that somewhere out there was a child who needed a family and that we could be the one for them.

As I began exploring the different avenues of adoptions and searching online forums where pages and pages of waiting children stared back at me, I also began to learn about the different medical conditions some of these children had. Most of the terms I had heard before and even had loved ones with children with those special needs. But before 2015, I had never heard words like “microtia” or “atresia” let alone what they meant.

As I began to learn more, I knew that a child with craniofacial deformities such as ‘little or no ears’ could be one we could easily love and welcome into our family. As my husband and I talked and prayed during 2015 and into 2016, we knew we wanted an older child… a girl near our oldest daughter’s age.

As a family, we were ready to embrace a child and do whatever we needed to welcome her into our family. If she was deaf or hard of hearing, we would learn sign language. If she needed surgeries, we would do everything in our power to get her whatever medical attention she needed. With so many older children waiting for forever families, my search results yielded page after page of older girls with craniofacial differences.

In early 2016, I came across the profile of one little girl who was seven. The description said she had deformity of the ears and esotropia of the eyes. The picture was not a close up of her, but you could tell she was a scrappy one as she was standing in a playroom with her hands on her hips, and a smile on her face. I could tell something wasn’t right with her eyes, but it was hard to see due to the distance from which the photo was taken. I read through her profile, saved it, then kept scrolling.

But something about that little girl kept drawing me back to her, day after day. Finally I just had to know more about her. I inquired for more information and when the agency (Agape Adoptions) that had her file responded, I knew this little girl was meant to be ours.

Her medical file stated she had low intelligence, and though that worried us a bit, we still knew she was meant to be ours. On February 13, 2016, we began our adoption journey to bring our daughter home and 10 months to the day on December 13, 2016, we were in China signing the paperwork officially making her a Sappington forever.

This newly turned 8-year-old girl now had a family she belonged to and she was alone no more. Annika had spent the first 8 years of her life in an orphanage where she had learned to survive. Now, she was a part of our family and with a lot of love for her, we were ready to advocate for her every need.

Once we landed on US soil, we hit the ground running with appointments, doctor visits and medical specialists. Annika didn’t just have deformed ears, she had no ears. Having done a lot of research during our adoption process, I knew our options for microtia and now it was time to pursue those options further. I knew that children born with microtia are often deaf or hard of hearing. When we had inquired about Annika’s hearing during the adoption process, we were told that she could hear just fine. Yet, once we were in China, we quickly learned that she did in fact have some hearing loss. I added to our ever-growing medical list to research hearing loss options once we arrived back in the US.

In April 2017, we learned Annika also had a previously undiagnosed heart anomaly that had not been in her medical notes from China. Annika’s new medical report read: bilateral grade 4 microtia atresia, moderate hearing loss, esotropia of both eyes and an anomalous origin of the right coronary artery. With great determination, we began addressing each of her medical needs. Not long after she came home, she was wearing glasses for the first time (a feat in itself when you have no ears to hold them up!) and had her first pair of bone-anchored hearing aids on a softband by March 2017.

For the first time in her life, Annika could hear sounds better than she ever had, most especially our whispers of “I love you.” A whole new world was opening up in front of her and we were watching our precious girl grow and come out of her shell.

Just as the walls and barriers in her heart were slowly melting away, so were her medical needs.

Annika went through a lot of trauma and bullying in her first years of life and, from the beginning, we determined to find her the best medical care. Since she joined our family two and half years ago, Annika has had seven surgeries and counting and has even become a bit of a world traveler in the process.

We live in Texas and happened to have an awesome otolaryngologist, Dr. Brandon Isaacson, not far from us in Dallas who implanted titanium abutments in Annika’s skull for her bone-anchored hearing aids. And, a few months later, he removed her underdeveloped ear canals and the infections within. Annika’s ophthalmologist, Dr. John Tong, who also is nearby, performed outpatient surgery on Annika’s eyes in June 2018 to help correct her esotropia.

The very next month, we traveled to Boston Children’s Hospital for open heart surgery to correct Annika’s heart anomaly. In February 2019, Annika learned how to use contacts and hasn’t wanted to wear her glasses since! But the thing she still desired the most was ears and it had proven to be the most challenging to make possible with her complex craniofacial anatomy.

It has been a long journey with ups and downs, but Annika’s dream for ears has become a reality. In March 2019, she had ear reconstruction for a new left ear in California by top-notch plastic surgeon, Dr. Sheryl Lewin. Next month, we will again travel to California for her right ear surgery. To see the look of awe and pure happiness on my daughter’s face as she was able to tuck her hair behind her ear for the first time is a moment I’ll never forget. She can’t wait to have her second ear and is counting down till our trip.

People sometimes ask me how our other kids have done with adding Annika to our family. I can’t help but smile from ear to ear as I tell them, “It’s as if their sister was meant for our family and just happened to be born on the other side of the world.” She has fit perfectly in with our crew and we can’t imagine life without her.

Oh, and one last thing. Remember how I said that her medical file stated she had low intelligence? Oh, how wrong they were! Annika is a fast learner and one of the smartest and funniest kids you’ll ever meet.

It’s amazing what the love of a family does for someone. Add the ability to see and hear clearly while you tuck your hair behind your new ears, then the sky is the limit!

– guest post by Shannon (shasapp1171@gmail.com)

This one is very special little girl. I did not meet her face to face. As a matter of fact, I had no idea what her face looked like but I knew her. You see, a little over a year ago when we visited my daughter Lizzie’s orphanage, I caught a glimpse of her, only a glimpse but she stole my heart. I saw her as she struggled to keep up. I saw her as she pushed her walker to help her sweet legs and feet that just would not cooperate.

I never saw her face but I saw her and I knew…

I knew I had to ask about her. So I asked my friend to ask the nannies about her. I learned that she had only just arrived and was still adjusting. I learned that her file was not prepared.

But now it is!!

My dear friend is amazing and I am certain never forgot… and now Samantha is ready and waiting for her forever family! Could that family be you?

When my precious friend sent me her picture I was blown away. It was the first time I had seen her beautiful face but somehow she was familiar.

My daughter, Lizzie, kept asking about her and I never thought we would ever know who she was but here we are a year and a half later and I am in awe of all the Lord has done. Please, please ask me about adoption. Please, please ask me about CP.

Please, please consider this precious child whose smile just melts my heart…

From Amy Hart at Small World Adoption: Samantha is 5 years old and is listed as having Cerebral Palsy. This little child is precious!! It is easy to see her sweet personality in her photos and the words in her file. She is compliant, she is a helper, she is doing well in school and within her foster family. It seems she can walk while holding onto something. Her potential is so, so great.

We are praying this ray of sunshine will soon be home with a forever family! For more information please contact Amy at amy@smallworladoption.com.

– guest advocacy post by Annie Hamlin

A little about us – we both got married for the first time in our 40s. I think of ourselves as late bloomers. Although we both had nieces and nephews, neither of us had a lot of experience with children. So, each of us entered the adoption process with trepidation and thoughtfulness.

Our process took 17 months from start to finish during the China orphanage partnership era. We both knew we would do better with an older preschool age child. As Dave said, “Gabby is the driver of the bus and I am the willing passenger.”

On Dec 4th, 2017 we met a scared and “shy” four-year-old. Her first prompted words to us were “Mama” and “Baba”. Whether or not she was prepared by the orphanage staff to understand her adoption – we will never know. All we knew was that we loved this little girl and were prepared to love her and give her a better life.

Olivia was born with unilateral cleft lip. Her lip was repaired around the age of two, but her palate was not. This made it very difficult for others to understand her. An observation by a volunteer who went to take pictures and videos stated, “Her palate is not repaired yet. She is active and talkative, but it is hard for me to understand her since her pronunciation is not clear. Her other development is very good.” Imagine the frustration a toddler feels when they are not able to communicate their needs verbally. Olivia learned to pantomime her words which still serves her well to this day.

In China, a child born with cleft is very much stigmatized as cursed child. So even though Olivia’s lip was repaired, she would have a very unlikely chance to live a “normal” life, much less get married. Thankfully in the United States there are resources and clinics specifically designed to treat cleft affected children. Our cleft clinic is only 15 minutes away.

On our family day we discovered that Olivia did not know Mandarin nor Cantonese, but rather a rural dialect local to her area. One of the directors who traveled with her wrote down two words “fang-yo” for pee and “fang-dai” for poop. Two words… that is all we had to communicate with a four-year-old.

After our meeting we went back to the hotel filled out more paperwork and our guide left us with our daughter. Now what?! Let’s go eat! Off we went to the executive lounge for our first meal as a family. It was a quiet place with lots of food options. From my research it was very possible that our child could have food coming out of her nose when eating due to unrepaired palate. That was not the case as we watched her intently. Olivia also ate everything we put in front of her. Granted we cut things up in bite size pieces and we also learned she could not sip using a straw (not enough air pressure).

After dinner we headed back to our suite to get Olivia ready for bed. This meant her first shower given to her by a stranger. I put on my swimsuit and hopped into the large shower with her. That was our first bonding moment. Imagine the mixed emotions this child had – fear, trust, shock, bewilderment. I had no idea what to expect, but Olivia did not fight nor fuss in any way. She seemed to enjoy the warm of the shower and the feeling of being clean – which is true to this day. I wrapped her up in the big fluffy towel and even used the blow dryer to dry her short hair. In the meantime,

Dave blew up the airbed in the living room area of our suite. After lotion and fresh pajamas – we took Olivia over to her bed and we had our first breakthrough! Olivia saw herself in the mirror and let out a deep belly laugh. This moment is etched into mind heart and mind and I knew we would be okay. After a full day of travel, different sights, sounds, smells, foods, meeting and staying with two strangers – this child found joy in her experience.

This moment of joy has set the tone for many days to come.

At this point, we have been together 18 months. During that time, we have had three surgeries. The surgeries included palate repair, tonsillectomy and a p-flap. The palate surgery took place at three months home. At that point Olivia was five and she understood that her mouth was different that ours as she had “a hole in her mouth”.

So how do you prepare a child with limited English for an upcoming surgery? You make it fun. Luckily, Baba is a Nurse Anesthetist – he basically conducted several child life sessions to prepare for each surgery by showing her a video several times. At the end of each session he finishes it off with a fun happy music video. For each surgery we approach it the same way – Chinese takeout, a child life session and a happy dance video. Let’s just say Olivia loves Kool and Gang’s Celebration.

March 6th, 2018 – On the day of her palate surgery – Olivia knew and understood what to expect. The hospital staff was so impressed with her confident and fearless demeanor. We are fortunate that Olivia has no medical trauma issues. I do find that surgeries and hospital stays have helped Olivia trust, bond and attach to us. We explain to her that the three of us will be together throughout her hospital stay and that the three of us will leave together. The challenge with any surgery is always the recovery; pain management is vital. But the liquid diet always adds a bit of a twist to recovery as you want your child to continue to feel secure about food.

Many children who spent any time in an institutionalized setting have experienced hunger, so ensuring they feel satiated on a liquid diet can be a challenge. But we have found there are a few favorites and it helps that Olivia likes soups.

March 19th, 2019 – One year after palate surgery, Olivia’s tonsils were removed in preparation for a pharyngeal flap surgery. The tonsil recovery was the hardest recovery of all three surgeries. Mainly because once the pain eased off – the pain came back in full force on the fifth day. When they say one needs two weeks to recover from tonsil surgery – it is true. Olivia had a couple of days where she was content to watch a movie or two which is unusual for an active six-year-old.

May 21st, 2019 – Although her palate surgery was successful, Olivia experienced hypernasality which was caused by her soft palate not closing off at the back of the throat which leads to air coming out from her nose. This would cause certain sounds such as “p” and “s” to be intelligible.

This velopharyngeal insufficiency (VPI) was confirmed by a nasal scope which is basically a thin flexible tube with a camera and light at the tip. About 20% of children who have their palate repaired will experience VPI. Olivia had a late palate repair at age five which does not work in her favor. The pharyngeal flap is essentially a bridge in the back of her throat. Muscle is taken from the back of the throat and attached to the soft palate while leaving two ports (holes) on either side. The p-flap surgery recovery was like the palate repair with the liquid diet as the most challenging piece.

At the time of this writing, we are six weeks post-op of p-flap and taking a wait and see approach. Our surgeon basically said, “She now has the hardware and we need to wait and see if the software catches up.” The software is referring to her speech therapy. Since we are dealing with muscles everything is related to muscle memory.

So, what is day to day life with a child affected by cleft? Very normal and manageable. Olivia eats everything, goes to a public school, plays hard, sleeps well and makes friends. Olivia attends private speech therapy at our local Children’s Hospital and receives another hour of therapy per week at her public school. We practice her assigned sounds at home each day. We read books, we play games, ride bikes, go swimming etc. Our medical appointments tend to be spaced out and we go to the Cleft Clinic about once a year.

Many people will ask me, “How many more surgeries will she need?” At this point we know she will need two more. The first one being a bone graft where they take bone from her hip to address the cleft in her gumline. Bone is needed for the adult teeth to have an anchor. This process will begin with a palate expander about three months prior to the bone graft. We will begin this process more likely in the fall of 2019.

The other surgery she will need will be one to address a collapsed nostril due to the cleft. This will more than likely be addressed in her teen years. Most recently Olivia has asked, “Why is my nose flat on this side?” I simply respond, “That is how God made you. Everyone is special and unique in their own way.” Olivia’s uneven nose and lip scare are very subtle, but we give her the tools to address any questions or comments by others.

So again, Olivia’s medical need is very manageable. I find that the post orphanage emotional needs can be a bit more daunting. Every child that was institutionalized will have some sort of social, emotional, cognitive global delay. The statistic that for every month a child has been institutionalized they will be delayed about three months is very true.

Olivia had never held a crayon when we met her at age four. Now she can color and write words. She never played with toys, dolls or blocks. Now she can pretend play on her own. Olivia did not know the Mandarin alphabet and now she is reading in English. This are just small examples where progression and growth have taken place. The last 18 months have truly been a worldwide of building love, trust, knowledge and learning for all of us. But just like any child, we will have some amazing days and some challenging ones as well.

I find that the cleft journey is a marathon rather than a sprint. After each surgery there is a wait and see approach. It takes time to heal. It takes time to relearn sounds. Much time is also spent on learning about cleft. Such as the stages of treatment, insurance challenges, and other’s experiences. In addition to cleft education there is always reading about child behaviors and parenting. One could easily get overwhelmed with the grand scope of things, especially in the beginning. But – just like our adoption journey – we must take it one step at a time. Most importantly, know that you are not alone.

In our area there is a great Cleft support group (Face to Face) that holds conferences, picnics and get togethers so that the Cleft community can support and network with one another. There is even a Cleft camp for the kids. Then in the online Facebook world, there are several groups that are not only specific to cleft but specific to children from China adopted with cleft. So really there is never a reason to feel alone. I’ve been amazed by the resources available.

On Dec 4th, 2017 we met a scared and “shy” four-year-old. Today Olivia has been described as smart, funny, brave, confident, pretty, adventurous, loving and caring. Olivia is anything but shy. This little girl takes life by the horns and makes the best of every moment. She experiences joy each and every day.

We are the lucky ones to be Olivia’s “Mama” and “Baba.” As my 90-year-old grandmother has said, “Olivia is truly a blessing from God.”

– guest post by Gabby (abbygabriela@hotmail.com)

“Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That’s what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.”– Bethany Hamilton

Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. It’s a mouthful; most people shorten it to Arthrogryposis. Essentially, it means multiple joint contractures that affect two or more body areas. According to the Genetic and Rare Disease Information Center with the National Institutes of Health: “AMC is not a specific diagnosis, but rather a physical symptom that can be found in many different medical conditions. The signs and symptoms associated with AMC can, therefore, vary greatly in range and severity depending on the underlying condition.” This very basic clinical definition is pretty much all we could really get our heads around prior to bringing our daughter Sofia home from China eight months ago. The broad range of presentations for this condition and varied list of associated medical conditions was just too big to master.

We had limited medical information in her adoption file. Our plan was to just get her home and learn about her specific condition and unique needs from her medical team once here.

We were focused on one precious little girl with the sweetest little giggle and a mile-long ponytail. We had fallen in love with her when we met her on two previous adoption trips. She didn’t talk much when we met her in 2015 and again in 2016. She always stayed quietly nearby, sizing us up and occasionally dazzling us with the most brilliant smile.

She was typically on a wiggle cart (also called a plasma car), a little car that can be propelled forward when you rock side to side. We were told that she had difficulty self-propelling in a wheelchair due to weakness and limited mobility of her upper extremities. She appeared very independent and capable. Both of her legs were contracted and her knees were fixed in a bent position at about 90 degree angles.

We were told that she often expressed only one wish in life: to walk.

Once home, we took Sofia to the International Adoption Clinic at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and to Shriner’s Hospitals for Children in Philadelphia. We learned that the type of Arthrogryposis she has is called Amyoplasia. Amyoplasia is the most common form of Arthrogryposis and is characterized by a lack of muscle development at birth coupled with joint contractures and joint deformities.

At CHOP, Sofia trialed a really cool device called the WREX Arm. It’s an exoskeleton that supports her arm when she moves, thus improving her range of motion and functional ability. We also found out that she has really good hand position and functionality in both upper limbs. She can write, feed herself and manage many self care tasks that are difficult for others with AMC. Sofia would not need surgery on her upper extremities and could achieve improved functionality with therapy and adaptive equipment. This was great news.

Sofia was seen by PT, OT and the seating clinic at Shriners. They lent her a wheelchair that fit like a glove and we discovered that she could, in fact, self-propel with a well made, lightweight and custom fitted chair. We also met with her surgeon at Shriners to discuss options for her legs.

Sofia was ten years old at adoption. She was well beyond the age of serial casting. Her options were to leave her legs as is and utilize therapy modalities to gain maximum functional ability or explore surgical options. Surgical options were presented to us and we all agreed that we needed a few months to think it over. The process to straighten her legs was going to be a big undertaking and we needed to prepare. Most importantly, Sofia needed to make a choice for her life and her body and prepare to follow through. There was much to consider. Surgery would be painful. The process is lengthy. The team would focus on one leg at a time. Learning to walk would be difficult and preventing her legs from contracting again would be a life long endeavor.

My husband and I respect the fact that this is a huge commitment for our very little, very determined girl and we did not feel it appropriate to impose our will on her. Sofia would be the one to endure the procedures and the pain. Sofia would be the one to put in the hard work and Sofia would be the one to decide if surgery was right for her. It did not take long.

A few days after meeting all of Sofia’s doctors, she came downstairs early in the morning. She and I were the only ones awake. She lay her head in my lap and said, “What would you do if your only dream was to walk but you were scared?” I asked her what she was afraid of. She said she was afraid of pain and she felt like it was too much to think about; she didn’t realize there were so many steps to the process and she thought it would be easier. We discussed pain management and how we would make changes around the house and in her life to adapt to her needs. I promised we would support her and get whatever she needed to make the process manageable. I taught her about pain scales and how we medicate when pain is low to prevent it from getting high. She liked this concrete information.

Then, I asked her what was bigger, her fear or her dream? She contemplated the question for a while. A few silent tears fell. She wiped her tears away quickly and told me it was her dream that was bigger and she could conquer her fears. She decided to move forward with surgery.

A few months later we returned to Shriners for our follow up appointment and started working on her plan.

On April 29th Sofia had surgery to begin the process of straightening her left leg. Her surgeon at Shriners released her left knee contracture and applied an external fixator to her left leg. She stayed in the hospital for four days. At home, we clean the external fixator pin sites twice a day. We turn the screw on the fixator four times per day to straighten her leg slowly. Once straightened, the fixator will stay on her leg for a period to hold position and then it will be removed and a full leg cast will be applied and left on for about a month. After the cast is removed she will receive a leg brace for her left leg and we will begin the straightening process with her right leg.

Sofia is stoic and serious about her recovery. She wants to do everything right and she insists on performing as much of the care herself as possible. She can turn the screw and does meticulous pin care independently.

Some days are harder than others. Some days movement feels slow, legs get bumped and anxiety is high. On those days we repeat this conversation:

“Sofia, why are we doing this?”
“To make my dream to walk come true.”

“Does it hurt sometimes?”
“Yes.”

“Is it a little scary?”
“Yes.”

“Is it hard?”
Tears fall. Hers and mine. “Yes.”

“Are you doing it anyway?”
“Yes.”

“Sofia, you’re so brave.”

In eight months, this precious soul left everyone and everything she knew to call a loud, messy bunch of strangers her family. She trusted us to take care of her, help her, teach her and to get her what she needs to make her one and only dream in life come true. How huge is that?

Sofia has the heart of a warrior and we are deeply privileged to stand by and support her on her journey.

– guest post by Holly (emory.holly@gmail.com)

Staring at the long list of special needs, trying to decide which boxes to check we were open to, seemed overwhelming.

Researching each medical condition was just as daunting. Did we check the right boxes? How can we “decide” which special need our child will have?

Arthrogryposis multiplex congenita (AMC) first seemed like a big scary word among many other medical conditions on the openness form for special needs adoption. When we first filled out the form, we checked “no” to arthrogryposis, meaning we were not open to a child with this medical condition. Clubfeet also received a “no” on our original form.

But now that form has long been shredded and recycled, the official form replaced with a big “YES!” Why the change, you might ask? We changed our answer because of a person. A very precious three year old who could not walk when we first saw his pictures and videos, but who I could tell was one of the most resilient people I had ever seen… and I couldn’t wait to make him our son.

/////

Rewind six years. When my husband and I were engaged, we decided we wanted adoption to be a part of our story. So we set up an adoption fund for our wedding; any monetary gifts would be set aside for a future adoption. My husband and I are both planners, so naturally we planned out our ideal future family. First, we would have biological children and figure out the whole parenting thing, and then adopt internationally. As the years went by and we couldn’t get pregnant, we decided to change our plans. God had humbled us. We could not plan out our ideal family. And, little did we know, our ideal fell way shorter than God’s marvelous plan for our family.

With the Lord’s guiding we chose to adopt from China and were ready to jump right in to the adoption process. But I was 29 years old…. so we had to wait again as China’s age requirement to adopt is 30. Time went by slowly, but we started the paperwork as my 30th birthday neared. During that time God spoke to my heart. “You are not surrendering to ME the openness form. Trust ME, I know who your child is.”

Almost overnight, my walls of uncertainty came down crashing as I saw my son for the first time on the waiting list. I was captivated by his video, how he was figuring out how to do things differently in spite of the challenges his body faced due to his medical condition. I could not describe the way I felt when I looked at him, day after day… I was drawn to him. I could clearly tell his condition was not one that we were “open” to.

But there were two things I knew: I loved this boy, and he was absolutely the most resilient child I had ever seen.

As days and weeks went by, joy flooded my heart and I began to hope. I prayed the same prayer day after day after day: “Lord, someway, somehow, allow us to adopt this precious boy.” My husband, you can about imagine, was in shock at my sudden heart change. One day I was hardly open to any special needs on the openness form, and the next day I wanted to adopt a boy with not one, but two moderate special needs. He was not ready to commit to adopting a child with arthrogryposis and clubfeet.

As I was quickly becoming defensive mother bear, my husband was weighing the costs of moving forward. We had to ask ourselves big questions if we adopted him: Will this boy who can’t walk at age three, be able to get up our stairs to use the bathroom or go to his room upstairs? Will we have to sell our house and move to a more accessible home? We are very active people, will our son ever ride a bike or play an instrument?

Over several grueling months of waiting, God united our hearts and we were ready to commit to adopting this precious boy, whatever future challenges would come our way.

But during the waiting, his file had been picked up by another adoption agency who was advocating for him and another family was considering adopting him. “Lord, what is happening? Why are you putting my heart through so much anguish?” I cried out to God and clung to His Word, especially Psalm 37: 5-6 “Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the sun, and your justice as the noonday.” The Lord did act and brought about justice for this little orphan, and for my anguished heart. We were soon matched with our son and finished up paperwork to get to China as soon as possible.

In November 2018, we got on a plane to China to bring our precious son home. During our wait, he had received physical therapy in China and learned to walk. We chose the English name “Jadon” for him, because it means “God has heard” and “thankful.”

He bonded very easily with us and was clearly very well cared for at his orphanage. As soon as he was home he began physical and occupational therapy. We didn’t sell our house… he learned how to go up the stairs on his second day home. And within two months of being home he started riding a specialized bike. I cried when the therapist said we could take the bike home to keep.

Prayer after prayer had been answered. God had heard.

Jadon is not defined by AMC or clubfeet, but neither are we ashamed of his special needs. Our resilient boy continues to surprise us and others with the leaps and bounds he makes physically.

He brings joy to so many people, but none more than his parents. We are the ones who are blessed.

Blessed to have a son with arthrogryposis multiplex congenita and clubfeet.

Blessed to have a son who won’t give up and continues to prove his resiliency day by day.

– guest post by Angie

Kevin is a wonderful little boy, born in October of 2011. He likes playing on the slide, riding the wooden horse on the playground, and playing tag and other games with the other children.

He has normal gross motor skills and is independent in his care- eating with a spoon, washing hands after meals, going to the bathroom, etc. Kevin is attending school – as of our last report, he had been in kindergarten. In the morning, he can brush his teeth, wash his face, eat breakfast, and pack his bag himself. Kevin has learned a lot at school. He can say the names of daily used objects, knows differences in size, understands opposites, can recognize simple shapes, and can count from 1 to 20. He is getting a lot of practice with drawing and coloring as well.

Kevin is an active participant in class and is praised by his teachers. Kevin’s caretakers describe him as a lovely boy who is talkative, friendly, bright, and happy! He almost always has a smile on his face! Kevin is good at following instructions and likes to help do some housework that he is capable of doing. He gets along well with others and participates in dancing, singing, and poetry activities.

Kevin was diagnosed as having a lymph-vessel tumor- lymphatic malformation in the right maxillofacial region and is a Hepatitis B carrier (3/5 positives). He had right facial lymph-vessel deformity image-guided percutaneous sclerosis under general anesthesia in December of 2013, May of 2014, August of 2014, April of 2015, and November of 2015. He recovered well after each surgery. In May of 2016, he had right facial, tongue lymph-vessel deformity image-guided percutaneous sclerosis.

May 2019 written update:

1. How is his mental ability compared to peers of the same age?
   It is similar to other kids of the same age.
2. How does the special need affect his health?
   He has a lymphatic malformation on the right maxillofacial and oral hemangioma (right tongue).
3. Please describe his personality in details.
   He has a good personality. He is outgoing. In daily life, he talks a lot and expresses himself clearly. He likes singing, dancing, painting, and skipping ropes.
4. Is he well behaved and obedient?
   Yes, he is.
5. How are his gross motor skills? Can he walk, run, jump, and walk upstairs and downstairs by himself? Can he kick a ball? Can he pick up a ball? Any limited functions?
   Yes, he can do this without limited functions.
6. How are his fine motor skills? Can he draw or scribble on paper? Can he pick up little things with his fingers?
   Yes, he can do this without limited functions.
7. Is he in any kind of school? If so, what school? Can he catch up in school?
   He is studying at XX Elementary School, XX District, which is a public school. He is in grade one now. He was behind other kids of the same age at the beginning.
8. How is his emotional development? Is the child attached to anyone? Who is he close to? Does he care for other people?
   Normal. He is not attached to anyone else in the orphanage. PXD is his closest friend. He knows to care for others.
9. How are his social skills? Does he get along well with other children and adults?
   Good. He gets along well with others.
10. Is he under foster care or living in the orphanage?
    He lives in the orphanage.
11. Updated Measurements:
    Height: 123 cm; weight: 21 kg; head circ.：53 cm; Chest circ.: 59 cm; Foot length: 19.5 cm; Number of teeth: 21

Kevin is from a former Madison partnership orphanage. Everyone who has met and spent time with Kevin adores him and has nothing but good things to say about him, including our sweet friends at the Sparrow Fund.

Please help us spread the word about this sweet boy so that he will soon have a forever family of his own!

There is a $3,000 agency grant with Madison Adoption Associates for Kevin’s adoption. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year and to families that already have their letter of approval from China.

Kevin needs a family with an approved home study to be able to hold his file or move forward with adopting him. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Kevin, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

Limb difference was one of the boxes we checked for our first China adoption in 2013. So when we received our son’s file, it was relatively easy to say yes. Our soon-to-be son, at 10 months of age, was the youngest child on the shared list that day.

We were open to a boy or a girl, our youngest was about to turn three and we had checked the limb difference box. It all seemed very straight forward.

The “what in the world did we just say yes to?’ came the next day.

Four months later we were on a plane to China. Our son’s file said: flexion deformity of left wrist and deformity of left thumb. Once we got home we learned all about radial aplasia, also known as radial club hand. Since this limb malformation affects the radius, it affects the thumb side of the hand. Opposition, or a thumb that works, is necessary for gripping objects.

Finding an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in plastic surgery of the hand and upper extremities is critical. We found one literally just down the road at the University of Michigan. Other bones and structures of the forearm, wrist and hand can be affected with this malformation. It can be part of a syndrome and/or might be part of a genetic condition. In our son’s case it is not.

We did not know until we got to China that both of his upper limbs are affected. On his right arm he has a short radius and he had a very little thumb. On his left arm his radius is absent and he had a non-working (hypoplastic) or floating thumb. His left middle finger was also fixed in a 90 degree bent position. We saw the hand specialist not long after we got home but we waited 7 months before the first surgery to give us all time to bond as a family. His first surgery was performed on his right hand to deepen the web spacing between his index finger and his small thumb and a tendon was transferred to his thumb from his ring finger to give him opposition on one hand, a bigger working thumb!

We waited until fall for the second and more complex surgery knowing he would be casted and we wanted to enjoy summer cast free. He was 2 1/2 and had been home 14 months before his second surgery. The second surgery was done on his left arm with the absent radius. This surgery was a three in one procedure. First, the surgeon removed the non-working (hypoplastic) thumb. His left thumb was a hazard or accident waiting to happen as it just dangled there and could have been easily caught in a drawer or door. All of the structures it would have been attached to were also absent and it had no useful purpose. Additionally, wrist centralization was done to put his wrist in a more normal position as there is often that classic club hand curving of the forearm toward the thumb side of the hand. Finally, the surgeon also released the tendon in his middle finger that was fixed in a 90 degree bent position. It is hard to get a bent finger into a pocket or mitten!

He recovered from both of his hand surgeries well. There was lots of casting to protect the surgical site and pins as it healed (and recasting as he liked to wriggle out of his casts at night) and then splinting. I wish I had done a better job of keeping track of the exact number but I think he went thru 8 casts over the three months following surgery and then he graduated to a splint which could be removed for meals and bath time. Five years later he still wears a splint at night and we now see his hand surgeon once a year for x-rays and a new splint which he needs as he grows.

The whole process entailed more than a year of more intense care and treatment, including the two surgeries and recoveries. But, looking back, I can honestly say that now five years later his special need is really a non-issue. He received occupational therapy through our state’s Early On program and that transitioned into occupational therapy though our school system once he turned three.

We were blessed to have the same therapist see him throughout all of this. He graduated from occupational therapy and the need for an IEP by the end of kindergarten because he could do everything everyone else could do including being able to tie his shoes, which most of the other kindergartners couldn’t do! He also happens to be one of those naturally athletic kids and, with his nine digits, he regularly outperforms kids a year older and a head taller both on the field and on the court! Indeed his real “special need” was that he was a boy who needed a family. We are so blessed to be his family and meet that special need daily.

In the midst of all of the surgeries, about a year after coming home, I sent my husband a text and told him I didn’t think we were done. We spent a few months praying about doing it all again and by the time our son was recovering from his second surgery we had signed contracts and began the home study process. Again, we checked the boxes for special needs we were open to.

Things had changed in the China program. Our first adoption was completed with a referral coming from the old shared list. Now the partnerships were in place and our second adoption process took longer than the first had and much longer than we had anticipated. The longer we waited, the more we became certain that we wanted another son with a limb difference. Our first adoption experience allowed us to be open to more significant limb differences. So 3 1/2 years after starting the process we again got on a plan to China in 2018 to bring home a four year old boy with really special hands and feet.

His file said congenital hand and feet malformations and a year later that is still the extent of what we know. We have seen our hand specialist and are not sure if surgical intervention is possible for his special hands. This was hard to hear because our son does not have opposition on either hand and we know how important having one opposable thumb is.

All the time I hear people say kids are resilient and he truly exemplifies this. This ray of sunshine went off to young 5’s this past year and has amazed us all with language acquisition and all he can do. He has an IEP and works with the same occupational therapist who graduated his older brother from services. There are still things he can’t do. Some things he may never be able to do simply because of the way his hands work.

We spend our days focusing on celebrating what he can do and helping him figure out ways to adapt. We have seen the foot specialist. He had surgery on one of his feet to fix some toes that were really a shoe issue because of rubbing. He was casted and non weight bearing for six weeks and was a total trooper.

We have seen genetics and it is likely that our son’s limb differences are part of a genetic syndrome and even if insurance ever does approve chromosomal analysis it actually changes very little for us. We have ruled out any heart or kidney issues that can be present with genetic conditions that affect hands and feet similar to our son’s hands and feet.

Just like his older brother, his real “special need” was that he was a boy who needed a family and again we are so very blessed to be that family and meet that need and his other needs daily.

I am Tanya and my husband Luman and I have five children; Selah 14, Boaz 12, Simeon 9, Shadrach 7 (adopted in 2013) and Meshach 5 (adopted in 2018). You can reach me by email at tanyainkorea@yahoo.com.

Leland is a handsome little boy, born October 2011. Leland’s caretakers describe him as beautiful, smart, and adorable. They say that everyone likes him and that he is a great communicator, very fluent with his language abilities.

Leland can quickly grasp the content taught by the teacher in class, but gets nervous easily as he is very serious about his studies. He can count numbers and can do simple hand-craft and painting projects. He is a good eater and sleeper.

Leland has been through a lot without a family by his side. When he was three, he kept complaining that his inguinal tumors/cysts were hurting. He was taken to multiple hospitals and found that they were pushing against his bladder and he could not urinate. Leland was diagnosed as having congenital yolk sac tumor. He underwent many procedures and was given chemotherapy between February 2015 and December 2015. He enjoyed talking to the doctors and the nurses and was cheerful, despite all he had gone through. All of the nurses and doctors loved him.

Leland can sense when he needs to use the toilet most of the time and uses the rail to hold on while going. Sometimes he does not make it in time, so he wears diapers just in case. Leland is diagnosed as being paraplegic as well, but he does walk with assistance. Leland goes to the rehabilitation room daily to practice walking with a walker. He has weakness in his legs and his knees and ankles do not bend normally.

Leland had a hard time adjusting after leaving the hospital and going into the orphanage since he didn’t come into the care of the orphanage until right before he was hospitalized. He has since adjusted to life there. The staff say that he is very smart and is a fast learner. He gets along with his peers and enjoys playing with them. He will smile at acquaintances and be very polite. He is serious when meeting strangers, but warms up to new people quickly.

Leland is a wonderful little boy who has been through a lot. It is our hope that his forever family sees this treasure and brings him home soon!

LOTS of update videos of Leland, click on the links below to watch:

• Leland 1
• Leland 2
• Leland 3
• Leland 4
• Leland 5
• Leland 6
• Leland 7
• Leland 8
• Leland 9
• Leland 10
• Leland 11
• Leland 12
• Leland 13
• Leland 14
• Leland 15
• Leland 16

There is a $1,500 agency grant for Leland’s adoption with MAA. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that already matched with a child.

If you are interested in reviewing Leland’s file or in adopting Leland, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

We recently had a chance to chat with Amy who is in process to bring home a little boy with a vision impairment. Read along and consider joining the adventure in helping to bring this little one home to his forever family!

If you would like your family to be considered for a future post on NHBO, please complete the short form here.

1. Tell us a little about your family.

My husband, Dillon and I have been married for 11 years. We met while attending college in Murfreesboro, TN. We have a mutual love of music and arts and have loved building our life together. We are both the kind to have our hands in several pots! Besides writing and performing music, Dillon works as a coffee educator and I work from home as a virtual assistant.

2. How did adoption become part of your family’s story?

After college, we moved back to Nashville where I am from and have watched as the city has exploded in growth. We have two adorable miniature schnauzers and an old house cat. We love to spend our spare time bike riding and visiting other coffee shops. Our lives are full, and yet, we have felt for a while that there was someone missing. We have wanted to grow our family for some time and we were not quite sure what that was going to look like.

There came a time in December of 2017 where I had been reading someone’s adoption journey online. I started to feel the call like many others have felt when it comes to contemplating adoption. I wasn’t quite sure where to start or if my husband would be on board. But much to my delight, when I asked him about considering adoption, he was immediately on board.

3. Have you been matched with a child?

We started working with our agency in September of 2018. A few short months later, we saw our son’s face for the first time. He was being advocated for by Bethel China and jumped out immediately and grabbed our hearts.

He is an absolutely beautiful boy who has just turned 3 years old with such a bright smile and spirit. He has a visual impairment though, it does not seem to slow him down. He loves to run all over the play room at Bethel and play with his toys. He is doing wonderful there and in the care of his foster family. There were many other families who inquired about him and we were so scared that he would be matched before we could move forward.

Once our home study was complete, we asked about him and to our surprise and joy, he had not been matched. I remember thinking, “He’s our son, he’s supposed to be our son!” You know him as “Liam”, we plan to name him Harrison Tyler-Cai.

4. How are you fundraising to bring your little one home?

We have fundraised since day one. We launched a gofundme the same month we started with our agency, we hosted a trivia night, planned a Valentine’s Day themed concert, sold whole bean coffee online featuring our story and we have trimmed budgets and saved wherever possible.

We have recently applied for about 13 grants and are just simply waiting to hear if we will receive any. We have been able to pay for all of our fees and expenses up until recently and it seems our fundraising has hit a bit of a lull. We would so appreciate any help in getting Harrison home.

We have a new crowdfunding site that was organized by Connected Hearts Ministry making all donations tax deductible. We cannot wait to meet our little boy and bring him home. We think about him every day and just pray for his well being until we can all be together. Please help us become a family of three! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Hudson is a great kid who is all boy. Born in October of 2006, his special need is HIV (read more about parenting a child with HIV here).

He spent about two years in the local orphanage, where he was taken care of by a blind couple who worked at the orphanage before being moved to a group home with other children who also have HIV.

Hudson is described as an active and talkative boy who likes to play games with his peers. He is sometimes impatient, but gets along well with other children and communicates easily with adults. He is close to three specific staff members at the group home.

Though it’s not his favorite thing to do, Hudson does attend school where he is in 4th grade and his academic performance is average. His gross and fine motor skills are all normal – he can run, jump on one foot, catch a ball, and use chop sticks. Hudson enjoys playing with toys, listening to music, and playing video games.

He is said to have a passion for computers and video games. The staff members say that if he is given the right supports and a chance, he could have a good chance to make big achievements in this field. Hudson is also a nature lover and enjoys being outdoors. He is very observant. Hudson is a little afraid of water and heights.

Hudson’s care center hopes he can find a loving family who will love him for who he is, help him with his education, encourage him to pursue his passion, and give him the attention that only a forever family can.

Hudson is getting closer and closer to aging out and we just can’t let that happen!

There is a $3,000 agency grant for Hudson’s adoption with MAA. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that already matched with a child. Hudson also has a Reece’s Rainbow account here.

Hudson needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting him. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Hudson, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

Miles is an adorable little guy, born in February of 2017. His caretakers describe him as cute and smiley.

At one year of age, Miles could call “mom” or “grandmother” clearly. Sometimes he could speak a series of words loudly, but could not be heard clearly. He could also walk stably and liked putting on shoes. Miles likes playing with the older children outside. He is cooperative when dressed and is not a picky eater.

Miles likes listening music and playing with colorful toys. Miles is a typical two-year-old with tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants. Being cuddled by his caretakers helps calm him down when he’s upset.

Miles was born with muscular dystrophy. We hope precious Miles finds a family while he’s still so young!

A video of Miles can be found here.

There is a $500 agency grant for Miles’ adoption with MAA. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that already matched with a child.

If you are interested in reviewing Mile’s file or in adopting Miles, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

We entered into this adoption full of hopes and dreams just like most people. However, we also understood the realities, especially when adopting from China. We knew the gambles, had read all the blogs and books and articles we could get our hands on.

We knew to expect the unexpected… or so we thought.

We had considered adoption many years before, but being a military family that moved around a lot we decided it was maybe not a good scenario for a child who may need solid ground for a while. So we put it on the back burner.

But in February of 2016, as we completed retirement paperwork for my husband to retire from the Marine Corps, God gently tapped us on the shoulder and reminded us that adoption was still in His plans! After prayer, talks with friends who had adopted, and more prayer, we officially submitted an application in April 2016.

We completed the medical checklist and were open to a good many conditions. The one thing we didn’t feel sure of was taking on a child who would need lifelong care or was severely medically fragile. So in August of 2016, when we were presented with a file of a six year old little girl whose medical condition was albinism, we were almost relieved. This condition didn’t seem too scary. We researched albinism and contacted an IAC doctor to review her file.

For all intents and purposes, she seemed to be fairly healthy. Yes, she had albinism which meant the accompanying low vision, photophobia and nystagmus. We knew the risk of skin conditions. The need we would have for constant sun protection, etc. We were prepared to deal with that and felt comfortable saying Yes. That first photo of our little girl showed this fair little angel, Sitting on the steps of the orphanage with a buzz hair cut and mismatched clothing. Her eyes were sad but she was rocking a smile that melted my heart.

So we said Yes. This was our girl.

In her file and the subsequent updates we received over the next year, it stated that she was slightly delayed and because of her age did not yet attend school. We asked specifically about her eye sight and they sent us a video showing how she could walk across the room and pick up a small apple off the table with ease. It also showed her going down the stairs of the orphanage (much too quick for this momma’s heart I might add!) on her own, using the hand rail. Again, it appeared that her vision was not too horribly bad and she was very mobile!

Maybe we were the ones blinded and only seeing what we wanted to see, but I don’t think so. I have reviewed the three videos over and over again and still barely see the signs: the signs that there was much more to her “delays” then her file stated.

August of 2017 arrived and it was finally time. Time to fly to China and get our precious girl! We received our daughter on day 5 of the trip. We traveled to the Children’s Welfare Center with our travel group where we would all be brought our children. One by one, each family received their child. Each child having a different reaction to being handed over to their new parents and commencing their new life.

At long last it was our turn (our daughter was the last to arrive). In walked our girl with her orphanage director. She was smiling ear to ear and gave us big hugs. She then proceeded to run around the room playing with all the toys. Not a single tear shed from her, no panic or melt down. She was just joyful.

By the time we got back to the hotel, my husband and I both knew there was something “wrong”. Something different. The lack of emotion (other than joy) from her was because she truly had no understanding of what was happening.

She was frenzied and wild. Didn’t seem to understand our gentle commands (which we stated in Mandarin) and it was obvious that even the simplest of tasks (turning on a light switch) were beyond her. Just after lunch we attempted to lay her down for a nap, as was her routine in the orphanage. She laid there literally shaking. Not out of fear, but out of excitement (or adrenaline, we aren’t sure which).

Within the first couple of days, we felt like the rug had been pulled out from under us. This child was not the child we’d read about. She was much more delayed and almost, dare I say, mentally challenged. Even our guide noticed it and asked if we knew ahead of time. When I stated that we did not and had only expected “typical” orphanage delays (she was now 7 years old and had been in the orphanage for 3 ½ years, so we assumed she would function around a 5 year old level), the guide took it upon herself to call the director. The response we got was that the children at that orphanage are not worked with…. essentially they are fed and clothed and that is about it.

My mommy gut said it was more, but we let it go. As shocked and upset as we were, this was our daughter and we were not going to turn our backs on her now! She had already lost one family in her young life, we would not have that happen again. We just prayed, leaned on the support of our fellow travel group and relied on our guides to assist when they could. It was a long 2 ½ weeks in country. I was anxious to get home with her where we could start a routine and start figuring out who our girly really was.

Fast forward to today. She has now been home 19 months. Our sweet girl – who is still to this day just full of joy – is now 9 years old but functions at the level of a 2-3 year old. She does not speak in clear sentences and speaks only in rudimentary two word groupings with lots of babble in between. She has no concept of math or numbers or counting. She can’t read but can recognize the letters of the alphabet! She can’t do zippers, buttons or snaps. She is truly a toddler in a 9 year old’s body.

After numerous medical appointments – and a fabulous developmental pediatrician who agreed that there was more to her delays than just neglect/institutionalization – we were able to get extensive genetic testing done. My momma gut was on target as usual! There indeed was more to her medical story. It turned out that our sweet girl has a rare and fairly “new” genetic neuro developmental disorder called FBXO11 disorder (it doesn’t even have a fun name). It explains so many of her delays and behaviors.

We still do not know what her future holds. Our reality is that she may very likely live with us forever. One of our “fears” when we completed that medical check sheet back in 2016 is now a possibility. But God knew what he was doing. This child has rocked our world, turned it upside down. There are days that bedtime can not come soon enough… but the joy she exudes on a daily basis is just amazing. Everyone who spends even just a few minutes with her proclaims that she has so much joy and is a blessing to be around.

We refer to her as our beautiful little earthquake… she shook our world up in a beautiful way.

Our unexpected was truly unexpected. It rocked us to the core. I wouldn’t change a single thing though. Not a single minute. Take that leap of faith, beyond the unexpected, and trust your Momma gut when things seem amiss. Fight for these beautiful children and the rewards will come back ten fold.

– guest post by Jennifer: email || facebook

Minnie is an adorable little girl, born in October of 2011, who is full of joy and determination. She has been diagnosed with spastic cerebral palsy, which has caused high muscular tension of her lower limbs. She also has an astigmatism.

Minnie can walk on her tip toes with the support of a walker. She is said to have normal development of her upper body and normal intelligence. Her hands are very flexible and strong.

Minnie eats and sleeps well. She understands what is said to her. Minnie likes to help water the flowers, stack blocks, play with dolls, listen to music and stories, and watch TV. She is good at sharing with others and her caretaker’s describe her as innocent, active, adorable and smiley. Minnie can communicate with people and can answer questions when the nanny asks her. We can’t wait to see what lucky family will be wowed by this sweetheart!

Written update from March 2019:

Minnie’s orphanage says she has totally normal mental development and they really hope that she will find a loving family who can help her get the medical care she needs for her legs. She’s so smart and determined!

Updated Measurements:
Height: 103 cm
Weight: 14 kg
Chest: 55 cm
Head circumference: 47.5 cm
Number of teeth: 24

A new video of Minnie can be seen here.

There is a $1,500 agency grant r Minnie’s adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Minnie needs a family with an approved home study to be able to hold her file or move forward with adopting her. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Minnie, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

Are you ready for the cuteness that is Journey?

Journey, born in January of 2013 with Down syndrome and a congenital heart defect (PDA), is a beautiful little girl with a spectacular smile!

Journey is not a picky eater and can feed herself, but won’t necessarily eat as much as she should so she does get some help to make sure she is eating enough to fill her up. She really likes milk and fruits.

Journey can walk stably and can go up and down stairs using the handrail. She is said to be calm and cautious. Sometimes, if she thinks the stairs, for example, are dangerous she will sit on the stairs and move down with her hands and feet. Journey’s favorite toys are toy dogs and the red plasma car.

Because she doesn’t speak much, Journey has trouble expressing her needs and does need some assistance with toileting. She communicates with her gorgeous eyes and through gestures and actions. When people greet her, Journey smiles happily. Journey is an affectionate little girl. For a period of time, she would go down one set of stairs to the office on the second floor when the caretaker was not looking. She would appear suddenly behind one of the workers there and pat the worker. That worker would sometimes then go visit her activity room and Journey would come forward immediately and hug the worker tightly. Her hugs are said to be so tight they are like bear hugs.

We can’t wait to see what lucky family is going to be blessed to not only have this little girl in their home and family, but to see those smiles and receive those bear hugs every day!

Videos of Journey can be found here and here.

Journey has a $1,500 agency grant for her adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Journey needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting her. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Journey please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

“Don’t wait for more revelation; be obedient to the amount of revelation God has given you.”

– Mark Batterson, Draw the Circle

I remember hunkering in my hiding spot as a child, my heart beating wildly. Whichever friend was “it” in our game of hide and seek would be counting to ten, just seconds away from, “Ready or not, here I come!”

Never did I feel ready. Even if I slid into my spot on time, I’d be looking around considering other hiding options. I wanted more time for my breathing to quiet, to be all the way ready.

///

In one of your rounds of hide and seek, did you ever scream, “Not ready!”?  

Me too.  

Are you currently shouting, “NOT READY!” at the adoption you know you are called to?

Maybe you tell people all the time that it your dream. The seed God has planted is undeniable. It’s more than a romanticized notion or envy of other people’s experiences. It’s a calling and one you love.

Even still, you ignore it. You hold off. You wait so you can watch for “signs”.  You think you’ll feel ready. You want to get in the game, but you want more time.

If that describes you, then this pep talk is yours.

This pep talk is not for everyone considering adoption though. I shrink back from campaigns or wording that drops guilt as an excuse to adopt. This process is too hard, too important, and too risky with lives at stake to jump into it out of guilt. In my experience, God doesn’t guilt me into His work. Rather, He nudges and shines a lamp on my next right choice. It might feel terrifying, but when I remove my own emotions from the equation, His call is usually clear.  f this describes you, then I hope you’ll shout, “Not ready.”

As someone who has walked before you, I fully understand trying to discern when to say when.  

Saying yes to being the parent of a child, whether by birth or adoption, is scary, and too big, too divine, and too holy to capture with a feeling.  

In the end, ask yourself if God has called your family to adopt. If so, what are you waiting for? Is He being stingy with signs or are you a master at stall tactics? Will you be obedient to the calling you’ve already received?

You’ll never fully feel prepared to wildly yell, “READY!” It’s a faulty plan, my friends. Your answer to, “Ready or not?” will always be no. Your home, finances, job timing, and sibling ages will never all align with your faith, emotions and courage meter.

We prefer timelines, safety nets, guarantees, and things just as we want them, right away. But the work of human relationships is more mysterious, exciting, impossible and altogether lovely. God-sized invitations are steps into the unknown. If we felt ready for all of life, we’d see nothing of God’s movement.

You know who is always ready? Yep, you already know. And He’s waiting for you, even when you hide. He can convince reluctant husbands, prepare the hearts of siblings, and work out job-timing. He’s ready with all the financial, emotional and spiritual provision, but you’ll never know that until you need to.

You might not be ready, but do you trust that God is? If your readiness is the gauge, then you’ll miss it.  He does not promise that it will be easy, and it won’t be, but He will equip you, one step at a time.

All that said, it’s a both/and life experience. We must do the work, ask the questions, pay attention to adoptive families, take the training, and read the books. This a call to action, not to recklessness. Let’s keep praying that we can discern the difference.

If the call is there, then that most likely is the sign. I don’t want to persuade you to adopt. I just don’t want you to miss God’s nudging. Unlike the friend who is “it” in hide and seek, He sees you exactly where you are and knows when to say when. 

Ready or not, a messy beautiful adventure awaits.  

Shaw is a precious little boy born in January of 2015 with Down syndrome and congenital heart defects – ASD and PFO. In June of 2016, he underwent surgery to repair his ASD.

Shaw came into care at the approximate age of one. At that time, he could stand and walk against the rails, and could not speak.

Part of his Chinese name means handsome, which he was given to him because he was said to be the most handsome boy among kids with Down syndrome in the whole orphanage!

Shaw is described as active, cute, and smiley. He can now walk, jump, and move flexibly. Shaw has an adorable laugh and the most beautiful eyes. He understands simple instructions and can feed himself. He is not picky and is a good sleeper too.

From his file photos, it appears Shaw loves wearing gloves! He also likes playing games with the other children and playing with toy cars. We couldn’t help but notice how sweet he is with the other children too, helping to give them bottles and feed them. Shaw is going to make some very lucky so happy and we can’t wait to see who!

You can see a video of Shaw here.

Shaw has a $1,500 agency grant for his adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child. Shaw also has a new Reece’s Rainbow account here.

Shaw needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting him. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Shaw, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

In late fall of 2016, my husband I decided to pursue adoption. We mulled over what ages we would consider since we had other children and were “older parents” in our 40s. We decided that the perfect age would be somewhere around 4 years old. (I have now learned that when it comes to matters of the heart, it is best to keep an open mind.)

I spotted a little boy’s face on a waiting child photo list that immediately caught my attention. He was adorable and healthy looking. After staring into his face for a long time, I scrolled past the information about his development and zeroed in on his special need. “Bladder exstrophy” was listed. What was that I wondered? I scrolled back up and read the information listed about him. He had already had surgery for his bladder exstrophy. His birth defect was something I had no experience with and was not one that we had initially checked into for our medical checklist. I started Googling it. It didn’t sound that scary to me, plus he had already had corrective surgery.

My husband and I talked about it. He reminded me of the ages we were considering. This boy was 7 years old now – his picture wasn’t recent. I kept coming back to him though. A voice in my head would always say, “He’s special. He doesn’t belong there.” Which to me meant that he belonged here, in our family.

I told my husband I wanted to look at his file. He agreed. I requested it and we poured over the details along with medical photos. None of it scared me. The nannies had said such kind things about him. He was a gentle boy, a helpful child. He was smart. His file said his special need did not impact his daily life.

We had his file reviewed by the Adoption Medicine Clinic at the University of MN. They agreed that he was an otherwise healthy child and informed us that he would likely need multiple surgeries. They explained that bladder exstrophy is a chronic condition requiring regular follow ups and most likely more surgery in the future. We considered this but decided that we could handle it. He would probably not get the care he really needs as an orphan in China. That turned out to be very accurate.

One of the things I held fast to was that this condition usually happens randomly. The children affected by it are normal in every other way. There is no link between intelligence and BE. They are just normal kids who happen to be born with this condition.

Let me explain a little bit about bladder exstrophy first. As written on chop.edu, “Bladder exstrophy is a complex, rare disorder that occurs early on while a fetus is developing in the womb. As the bladder is developing the abdominal wall does not fully form, leaving the pubic bones separated and the bladder exposed to the outside skin surface through an opening in the lower abdominal wall.”

Each case of bladder exstrophy is different. Sometimes the bowel is also affected, sometimes the genitalia, and other organs may also be affected to varying degrees. For most children the treatment comes in phases. There is the initial closure which involves putting the bladder back inside of the body and bringing the pelvic bones back into place.

Another surgery sometime after the first may correct epispadias. Epispadias is when the opening of the urethra (the tube allowing urine to exit the body from the bladder) appears on either the side or the top of the penis rather than the normal position and is very common for bladder exstrophy patients.

And finally, when the patient and family are ready, another surgery to achieve continence (being able to hold urine) is performed.

For our son, his bladder exstrophy was not treated until he was 4 years old. He lived with his bladder outside of his body for that time. After entering the orphanage, they took him to Beijing to have his closure surgery performed. During this surgery they also did an osteotomy which brought his pelvic bones back into the proper position and performed the epispadias surgery and a hernia repair as well. After he was released back to the orphanage he never returned to Beijing and was given care as best they could locally.

For our son, that meant that he was still incontinent of urine. This turned out to be a blessing though because it meant that there was less of a chance of him having kidney damage from urine backing up, if it was not able to properly drain. The surgery also meant that he was more confident and felt less ashamed of his condition since the surgery gave him a more normal appearance down below. There is a big stigma for kids in China being or appearing different in any way and many kids face ridicule or feel ashamed of their conditions.

For us, his information told us that he would definitely need another surgery in the future. I researched hospitals that specialized in care for bladder exstrophy and consulted with the University of MN regarding our next steps when he came home. I was able to be in touch with advocates who had met our son in China, and they were able to give us useful information on what to expect as well.

During our wait for travel, our son turned 8 years old. When we finally went to China to complete our adoption, we didn’t bring anything special with us other than clothing for him. (You can find anything you need in China – toys, clothes, shoes, and medications.) The day we met him, he came to us with a pack of diapers and a small backpack of gifts from his nannies. He was so small and seemed undernourished but with bright eyes and a gentle disposition. He walked with a limp, so we wondered about how successful his pelvic surgery had been.

Adopting an older child was new for us but it went better than we had prepared ourselves for. We stopped and bought more of the same diapers he was used to at a Walmart there. He took care of things himself and needed no help. He just used the bathroom like everyone else but had to take a change of diaper in with him. I helped him shower just by getting the water turned on and handing him soap, shampoo and the towel. We figured out that he must have had a fistula (an opening between his bladder and outside of his body) because the urine was not coming out of his penis, but around it and his tissue around it was very inflamed. We had planned to take him to the doctor soon after getting home.

For the duration of the trip, he was great but tired easily and occasionally he would stop and sort of curl up, rocking. He always denied pain, but I had my suspicions about something hurting him. We made it home and the next day he spiked a fever. We brought him to the University of MN’s Children’s hospital where we discovered that he had a very large stone in his bladder, along with wire that had come loose from his closure surgery in China. After much research and because of the complications that could arise from removing the stone and dealing with the loose wire in him, we decided it was best to bring him to a surgeon with experience in this same complication.

We treated him for the infection and kept him on an antibiotic while we waited for our surgery day. We flew out to Baltimore to have the surgery at Johns Hopkins where we learned that often the repairs done in China to pull the pelvic bones in place involved the use of wire to anchor the bones together. In the US they don’t use wire. The problem comes when the children grow and the wire either breaks or is pulled off the bones. Our son’s wire migrated into his bladder on one side and irritated the other side enough to cause a fistula through which the urine seeped out and found a new way out of his body. The foreign object in the bladder caused a stone to form around it. By the time we adopted him and he had his surgery, it was the size of a man’s fist. He had lived in pain probably for at least 2 years with the stone building and harboring infection there. He had been treated for the infections in China, but they would just come back, and the pain never went away.

After his surgery and recovery, he was like a new boy. The time we spent in the hospital was excellent for bonding with him and his language exploded. He no longer limped, and his tissues returned to a normal appearance after having been swollen and inflamed for so long. Eventually he realized he could do things like jump off the bed, run up a slide and run full speed with no pain. There is no stopping him now! He’s a completely normal child. He’s so smart and kind. He’s very popular with his classmates and is always being invited to birthday parties. I often forget that he has any kind of special need at all. I have started keeping a few diapers in the trunk of my car for the times we all forget that we must bring them along.

We have discussed the continence surgery with our child, and we see our doctor out in Baltimore annually. His doctor does testing to see how his bladder is growing and to check on everything. Currently, our son isn’t ready to have the surgery and we are respecting his feelings about it. He thinks he will want to go forward with it in about a year or so. There are some people with BE that choose not to do it at all and there are some children who have it done at a much younger age out of necessity. For our boy, his file was right – BE does not impact his daily life. He goes swimming with everyone else, he is doing fantastic in school, he loves fishing and playing X-box with his brother. I was concerned about school and how to handle that, but he uses a private bathroom in the nurse’s office and there are no issues with it. He got his first pet recently, a guinea pig that he named Sweet Pea and he is kind and gentle with her.

My husband and I are considering adopting again and we are open to bladder exstrophy again as well. There may be unknowns for our boy with his future, but there are many certainties as well. He is certainly going to be able to father children, and he certainly has a whole lot to offer this world and everyone who gets to know him. Just as Psalm 139:14 says, he is fearfully and wonderfully made.

You will find a great community of parents and people with bladder exstrophy that you can connect to online and in real life. I am going to include links that I found useful during our research, and now as a parent of a child with bladder exstrophy as well.

Resources:

Association for the Bladder Exstrophy Community
FB Group Bladder Exstrophy Community
FB Group Special Needs Resources
The University of Minnesota’s Adoption Medicine Clinic
FB Group for Parents of Kids with BE
FB Group for People with BE
Excellent Video for Kids with BE

– guest post by Lina

Kennedy is a beautiful and joyful little girl, born in September of 2012, who loves to wear dresses and skirts! One day after her foster mother bought her a new skirt, she stood in front of the mirror admiring herself and beamed happily when her foster mother said, “Kennedy is just like a fairy in the skirt!”

Kennedy is an active and outgoing girl, full of curiosity and a desire to explore. Kennedy was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at a young age. At 21 months, she began to learn to walk, taking shaky steps with support. By two years, she could crawl around very fast! Kennedy joined a foster family in December of 2013 and she’s made steady progress ever since. By four years old, Kennedy began walking on her own, though unsteady. She could also feed herself.

In June of 2016 she said “mama,” and though it wasn’t fully clear, it was a big step for her! She likes playing with toy drums and playing outside on the slide.

Kennedy’s foster family believes she will only continue to surprise everyone as she continues to grow and develop! Could your family be forever blessed and surprised by this joyful little girl?

A new video of Kennedy can be seen here.

Written update from March 2019:

Kennedy is studying in the senior class at a kindergarten in the orphanage. Her speech ability is not good. She can speak “Mama”, “Papa”, “Jiejie” etc, but not clearly. When she wants to drink water, she will take a cup and signal her foster mother to pour water for her. Though she cannot express herself clearly, she can understand what you say.

She can eat and put on socks on her own, though her hands are not very nimble. When she showers, she needs assistance with putting on her clothes and buttoning up. She also needs assistance when she brushes her teeth. She likes to use her left hand. When she climbs stairs, she will hold the handrails. Though her steps may not be steady, she doesn’t rely on a walker. She goes to the toilet in the day time on her own but puts a diaper on at night.

She likes to play with toys or watch cartoons with her older sisters and brothers. She cares about her image. Whether she goes out or is at home, she always likes to tie up her hair and put on a beautiful skirt. She likes outdoor activities, such as going to the park, supermarket, etc.

At school, she studies hard. She has learned numbers below 10 and she can say those numbers. Though not clearly, you can understand what she says. Her progress is a combination of her foster family, teachers, and her own hard work. She continues to make more and more improvements under good care. No illness within recent 3 months. No surgery recently.

Routine life：

On weekends, Kennedy gets up and washes her face at 7:30 a.m. She has breakfast at 8:00 am-9:00 am with milk, congee, noodles and dumplings. She goes shopping with her foster mother or plays with toys, paints, or watches TV at home. Lunch at 12pm-1:00 pm she eats rice, vegetables, meat, and soup. Nap time is between 1:30 pm-3：30pm. 3:30 pm-5:30 pm, she does some housework, such as folding clothes, hanging socks outside, or playing with other kids. Dinner is from 6:00 pm-7:00 pm. She eats similar food as listed above. She takes a walk or goes to the supermarket at 7:00 pm-9:00 pm and goes to bed at 9:00 pm.

On weekdays, Kennedy gets up at 7:30 am, goes to school at 8:00 am, eats breakfast & lunch and takes a nap at kindergarten. At 5 pm, she leaves kindergarten and goes home. Other activities are similar to those listed above.

Kennedy is outgoing and loves to laugh. She has a strong desire to explore and is full of curiosity about new things.

Updated Measurements:

Height: 113 cm
Weight: 20 kg
Head circ: 50 cm
Chest circ: 60 cm

Written update from October 2018 in her file:

Height: 112 cm
Weight: 17.6 kg
Chest’s circumference: 56 cm
Head’s circumference: 52 cm
Teeth number: 19
Feet length: 17 cm

She can go up and down stairs.
She has not had any surgeries or treatments. She hasn’t had a CT or surgeries.
She is studying at the kindergarten inside the orphanage.
She loves musical activities, such as rhythmic exercises.
She does make friends easily. She will not approach strangers initiatively. She only interacts with strangers when someone familiar introduces her to the stranger.
She lives at the simulated foster family inside the orphanage.

An older video – from when Kennedy was listed with another agency – is here.

There is a $1,500 agency grant for Kennedy’s adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Kennedy needs a family with an approved home study to be able to hold her file or move forward with adopting her. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Kennedy, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

We were on our way home from the dentist when my phone buzzed.

Seeing the familiar number of our agency, I pulled over and answered. “Hello!”, she said cheerfully, “We are calling because we have a file we’d like to share with you if you’re interested.” She went on to say that it was a boy and he had a diagnosis of hydrocephalus and brain damage.

When we filled out the medical checklist, we wanted to be open to many diagnoses, but we also needed to be realistic on what we felt we could handle. We have a large family, live in a rural area, and we home school, so saying “yes” to a child would mean we felt capable of providing the care that they needed.

When I hung up the phone, I quickly got back on the road. I couldn’t wait to get home and review the file with my husband.

A year earlier, we were near the end of a difficult pregnancy that ultimately led to our son being stillborn at 39 weeks. It was a devastating time, but through his life and death, God was preparing our hearts for another child. About six months after we buried our precious son, we decided to pursue our second adoption, this time intentionally being open to more significant special needs.

We knew that “brain damage” could mean so many different things, and a child with that label could have a wide range of capabilities. When we opened his file, we found a wealth of medical information, including his brain scans, detailed medical reports, as well as photos and videos. We shared these with an online friend, an adoptive parent who is also a radiologist.

We learned that this baby had suffered a grade IV brain bleed and he had permanent damage to some brain tissue. The outcome of such an injury could vary widely – he could be completely normal, he could have some minor disabilities, or he could be severely delayed.

Initially, we told our agency that we didn’t feel comfortable because it seemed overwhelming. But even with the brain scans that showed obvious differences and a language delay, we couldn’t get his sweet face off of our minds. We continually prayed for his family to find him.

About two weeks after we saw his file for the first time, we saw his face on the Waiting Children page. We called and asked to hold his file again and promptly sent his information to an international adoption doctor for review.

The specialist helped us gain a better understanding of his medical history. She was so thorough, taking all of the information and putting it together, even picking apart his movements in the videos. His injury, probably caused by a stroke in utero or shortly after birth, could have a wide range of outcomes. We asked for best-case and worst-case scenarios, and she gave us her honest opinion.

Full of new knowledge, we spent the rest of our evening talking and praying together. From the beginning of this adoption journey, we felt God calling us to “get out of the boat” and trust him.

We knew that he was trustworthy, but taking that step felt scary.

In the days that followed, the feeling that we should pursue this little boy grew stronger. We had peace about caring for him no matter what his future held, so we joyfully submitted our letter of intent.

Several months later, we were on board a Delta Airbus, headed to our son’s home country. Were we nervous? Absolutely. But superseding all the feelings of apprehension was knowing that he was our son. We could not wait to meet him and shower him with the love of a family.

Meeting Cai for the first time was surreal. He was precious, amazing… and he was ours.

He had a really difficult time adjusting, and we were unsure if his behavior was due to grief or his brain injury. Those first weeks in China drained us, but we really tried to take things moment by moment. Over time, it became obvious that Cai was grieving, and we began to see glimpses of his true self: he was comical, energetic, and obstinate. He was also very bright: despite his language delay, Cai was using some sign language to express his wants and needs while we were still in China.

It’s been a year since our sweet boy has been home. We’ve seen specialists, have had therapists at our home, and have watched him blossom right before our eyes. We learned from a neurologist that his injury was significant, but his brain has compensated and he has an excellent chance of living a normal, independent life.

The hydrocephalus diagnosis was ruled out, and he only needs bi-annual visits to track his progress. We’ve had many therapists visit, so many that when our social worker came for his one-year post-adoption visit, Cai assumed he was here for therapy and asked, “Do you have any puzzles?” His receptive and expressive language has grown so much that he does not need speech therapy any longer.

When we said yes to our son, within our letter of intent we wrote, “We will help him achieve his greatest potential, whatever that may be.” He’s doing so much better than we ever expected, and we are amazed by him every day. His great sense of humor, his boundless energy, and his zeal for life have brought us so much laughter and joy. He is smart, creative, tenacious, and has a smile that melts everyone’s heart.

Saying yes to another child, especially one with an unknown future was hard, but our lives are so much better with him here.

– guest post by Lindsay

For so many brand new parents of Chinese adoptees, the time spent in China is the most anticipated and intimidating portion of the adoption process. You’re finally able to hold your child in your arms; to emotionally and legally welcome them into your family. But, well…it’s China. It’s pretty different.

As we adopted our beautiful daughters – Seren in 2014 and Hana in 2018 – we were in the unusual position of having all the excitement of being ‘there’ and none of the unsettling unfamiliarities.

We’ve had the privilege of living and working in Yunnan, China with Sunrise Development Foundation since 2010. Not only is the culture and language familiar to us, but the culture and language of the welfare institutions is also second nature.

Sunrise’s flagship project is the Early Years Care Room of Kunming Municipal Children’s Welfare Institution – a partnership that was established in 1992, and since that time it has cared for over 2,800 infants and toddlers. Our heart is to create a family-like environment for the little ones in our care as they wait for their forever families.

All adoption processes are beyond the scope of Sunrise’s partnership agreements yet we’ve often watched families meeting their new little ones and wished we could share some of the things we’ve learnt. So while this article is, ‘What to Expect in China,’ it could also be titled, ‘Things We Wish Adopters of Our Little Ones Knew’.

I’ve used the shorthand ‘CWI/SWI’ to refer to Children’s welfare institutions and Social welfare institutions (the same as CWIs but also cares for adults on the same site – more common outside the major cities). These are the correct terms, but if it helps you to mentally substitute the word ‘orphanage’ as you read, then that’s ok as well.

I’m also very aware that opportunity and access can differ widely from one China adoption to another, so you might not even have the chance to do some of these. That said, do try to tick off as many things as possible. Some of these things may seem insignificant now, but as the years go by, you’ll find these will have given you more context and information to share with your little one – and that is pure gold.

1. Your child’s name.

When we were expecting our first daughter, I signed up to a weekly pregnancy update email – the kind that tells you your child is now the size of a lemon, etc. I never unsubscribed, and those updates became ‘your baby this month’. I distinctly remember the email that said; ‘Your child should respond to their name’. As soon as I read it, I knew she couldn’t. Ayla had no idea she was called Ayla. She’d respond to Bear though – that counts, right?!

Like many parents, we had a cute nickname for her. Her full name was reserved for doctors’ appointments and when she was seriously in trouble.

The same can be true in Welfare Institutions; Miao Miao, Hua Hua, Pao Pao, Dian Dian, Le Le… Seren was never addressed by her name in the SWI, she only responded to her xiaoming [小名]. So if your child isn’t responding to their name when they meet you, don’t assume it’s your pronunciation (although it may be!) and definitely take the time to ask the primary care giver if they have a nickname. Often you’ll get the added bonus of the story behind the nickname and get another precious glimpse into your child’s personality.

2. Asking the right people the right questions.

This one can be culturally a little tricky, and I want to stress here that leaders and facilitators are trying to reassure parents that their chid has been well loved – the motivations behind this are good even if our Western selves don’t appreciate the outworking!

Here’s the scenario we’ve witnessed time and again:

Adopters = How often do they bath? The schedule says everyday, but their skin seems to be getting very dry.
Facilitator/Welfare Institution leader/manager/administrator = Everyday. You should do the same.

Actually, many CWIs bathe every 3 days, but the scenario is irrelevant. You can substitute diaper changes, personality type, physical limitations, etc., and the formula is essentially the same – the new parents earnestly ask a question, and the facilitator or mid-level staff fire back a confident, not always completely accurate, response. We personally experienced this when we asked about our daughter’s nickname – the administrator guessed – it was only when we had a meal with her carers years later that we heard a very different reason which made much more sense for our daughter!

Please remember that as well as trying to reassure you, China is a ‘face’ culture, and people with position are supposed to have the answers. Many CWI have hundreds of children in their care – they can’t know the personal details for each, so they feel obligated to give ‘best guess’ answers.

But here’s a solution: keep notes of your questions. Wait until you’re in the room where your child slept, get face to face with one of the staff in that room and ask the facilitator to translate as you’re talking directly to the carer. Make sure you are looking at the carer while talking, not the facilitator. If you’re looking at the facilitator, they’re more likely to feel they themselves need to know the answer.

3. Identifying your child’s primary care giver.

Ok, so this assumes you’re given the opportunity to visit your child’s CWI/SWI/foster home which I appreciate is not a given. But this one should be easy, right? Sorry. I’m afraid not. Remember how I said China was a ‘face’ culture? It’s also a relational culture, and one way of solidifying relationships is by ‘giving face’. This may happen in your child’s CWI/SWI, and ultimately it’s ALL to the benefit of the children, so please don’t try to rock the boat on this one.

Here’s what occasionally happens. The parents lovingly prepare gifts for their child’s primary care givers. They’re taken to see a room, and the facilitator instructs them to give the gifts. This may be the room of a local or foreign non-profit contracted to provide services, such as physio or early education, in co-operation with the CWI. The CWI often wants to honor this partnership, and the parents’ gift is one way to do this. Although your child will be receiving care from these parties, it may be for 1-4 hours a day and not be the person you consider to be your child’s primary carer.

Some friends, on hearing this, have chosen to prepare additional gifts to keep back for when they’re taken to where their child sleeps. Generally, this will be where the member of staff who best knows your child is based. Personally, these are the people I’d be asking about your child’s personal information.

In Sunrise’s room, if one carer has a close relationship with the newly-adopted child, they ask to not be on shift when the visit is scheduled. This is because goodbyes are hard and can also be distressing for the child – and they probably already said a private goodbye before your child met you. But this is a great time for parents to ask carers to write a note or film a video clip of what they want your child to know as they grow up. Please remember that not all carers are literate, so videos are less problematic, and there are plenty of translation companies that can provide you with the meaning later.

You’re unlikely to ever get a similar opportunity to authentically connect with this chapter of your child’s life again. It is SO worth making the extra effort while you’re here even if you are feeling tired, distracted and overwhelmed (which are all very valid and understandable emotions!).

4. The beauty of Wechat.

By far the most popular form of social media in China is WeChat. People here use it for everything – messages from schools, posting family photos, paying bills, etc. It’s Facebook, ApplePay, iMessage and Skype all rolled into one.

We would strongly recommend downloading the app and setting up your own account before you arrive and then add everyone you come into contact with! If someone sends you a message in Chinese, you can hold your finger on it, and as well as the option to copy, etc, there’s a translation feature. If you reply in English, the recipient has the same option.

Here’s why its invaluable: photos of your child from the CWIs can be plentiful or really scarce. Carers aren’t supposed to take photos of the kids in their care. But you can almost guarantee that some of them have photos of your child when she or he was younger. Establish a line of connection with carers, express your appreciation for their role in your child’s life, gently mention how grateful you’d be for any photos/info from when your child was younger, make sure you don’t disclose to facilitator or other people that they’ve chosen to share info/photos with you – you don’t want to ruin things for future parents. I refuse to confirm or deny that this is how we got oh-so-adorable, worth-more-than-gold pictures of our little ones as newborns 😉

This is also a great tool to send back your family photos around Chinese New Year or your child’s birthday. Our staff are so encouraged to see how the kids are growing and thriving!

5. Visiting the finding spot.

So you’re jet-lagged, you’ve been handed a print out of a schedule that looks pretty full, you’re mostly being swept along, the food is unfamiliar, your child is silent/not eating/constipated. It’s a lot. And I’m about to add to it.

Please, please, please try to do everything you can to visit your child’s finding spot. We have met so many families who intend to come back in 2-5 years to do the things they didn’t do while adopting, but the cost, distance and reality of family life push those plans back by years and years.

And things change here quickly. Not least the physical layout of places. There’s a common joke that foreigners call China by that name, as they’re always ‘chai’ ‘na’ [拆那 – knock down there] to ‘jian’ ‘na’ [建那 construct there]. Add the rapid physical development, the cost and distance and China’s often-changing permission for foreign access, and there’s the chance this may be the only time you’ll have the opportunity to see the finding spot.

The finding spot is part of your child’s story. A difficult one to process emotionally for sure. But it adds detail to the narrative.

Even if it means paying extra money, finding a non-agency related translator and hiring a private minibus, it is so worth the effort to visit, get photos and store those pieces of the puzzle away for later years. Trust me on this one. And you’re welcome.

6. Don’t expect your child to speak or understand Mandarin Chinese.

We are deeply impressed when adopters exhibit a strong commitment to honouring their child’s birth culture and have seen parents bring Mandarin based toys and books, have had lessons in Mandarin or even bring a Mandarin speaking friend to accompany them.

But the primary care givers may not be Mandarin speakers, and that can mean that your child has only ever been around dialect – some of which differ dramatically from standard Mandarin. This is particularly likely to be true outside of Beijing. The wonderful ladies who care for the children in the Sunrise Room smilingly tell that they only learnt Mandarin so they could communicate with the Sunrise foreigners!

The reality is that, in most countries, care work is often under-appreciated with low pay. This is equally true of China. Many carers – not managers or leaders – will be ladies with basic educational backgrounds and often from rural areas. Mandarin often isn’t their mother-tongue. All that to say, don’t expect your child to understand when you or other Chinese people around you (in-country and back home) give directions and instructions in Mandarin. They may have had almost no exposure to the language*.

7. Go photo crazy.

Many, many years ago I was roped into teaching a basic photography course for young people. The curriculum said something that’s stuck with me; take photos for context; the micro and macro, without these the family/portrait photos have less meaning.

Take photos of street signs and the entire street view. The bowl of noodles and the large mall the noodle shop is in. Your boarding pass. The landscape of the CWI and the name on the crib. Your child’s roommates – if you’re given permission, of course. These are details we all forget and/or can’t take in at that moment. But at that moment you’ll have physical access to that chapter in your child’s life that you may never have access to again. It’s a rare moment where your child’s past and future overlaps, and you want to document as much as you can while you can.

8. Regaining of personhood.

This one is a little abstract, but I think it’s worth a mention. It’s a notion that I came across when writing my dissertation and fits SO well with our personal experiences and yet is not something I’ve ever heard in China adoption circles. And I don’t think it hurts adoptive parents to have this knowledge.

Family and blood ties is so important in Chinese culture. Your surname, your family group, who you belong to – it gives you your identity; your personhood. When children are relinquished, they essentially lose that. The loss of family and therefore identity means many of our local friends don’t know how to talk about Sunrise’s work, don’t know how to engage with children outside of families.

It’s the same feeling of discomfort I distinctly remember feeling as an 8 year old in an elderly care facility in a room of people affected by Alzheimers. I didn’t understand it, didn’t know how to connect with people who had Alzheimers and that left me scared and uncomfortable. In a sense, relinquished children – because they lose their biological family – are also losing their ‘personhood’.

Fast forward a little. We now have our little Chinese adoptees walking around in China with their foreign parents, and the conversation I can guarantee we have at least once a day is this: ‘她们不像你。她们是我们中国的。’ “They don’t look like you. They’re [our, belonging to, part of] China [are Chinese].” What we have always found fascinating is that we’ve never heard the phrase ‘[our, belonging to, part of] China [are Chinese]’ in relation to the young ones in Sunrise’s care or the unadopted care leavers we also work with.

We’ve spoken to our local friends at length about this, and so far they’ve all emphatically agreed – and are mostly fascinated by the fact they find it to be true but can’t rationally explain why; there is something about the process of adoption [domestic or foreign] that not only gives a child a family but also restores their personhood. The great irony of inter-country adoption for Chinese adoptees is that in the process of becoming a foreigner, they’re also simultaneously regaining their ‘Chinese-ness’.

So as you’re walking your brand new child around the streets of China and getting lots of attention from locals – take a moment to allow the significance to sink in. Your child’s new status has just given him/her access to two priceless worlds; family and ‘[our, belonging to, part of] China’. And that’s pretty amazing.

Lastly we want to say congratulations on growing your family! We really hope that some/all of these 8 thoughts are helpful when you’re in China and that none of these feel like chores but rather gifts. Because, when we step back and remember that we’re merely guests in this gracious host country, we realize that is truly what they are.

*According to Chinese law, children should be in full time education by their 7th birthday and all curriculum should be taught in Mandarin. That said, the actual experience of children with special needs in State care can differ from this.

For more information on the work of Sunrise, feel free us on Facebook or email us.

Melody, born in January of 2013, is a little peanut who couldn’t be cuter! Melody knows the nanny who takes care of her and is very close to her. She is described as smiley, shy, and energetic. She recognizes the other children in her room and enjoys playing with them.

Melody feeds herself with a bottle and likes to eat crackers too. She is afraid of strangers, but will actively ask for hugs from the nanny who cares for her… being held is one of her very favorite things!

Melody will let her nanny know she is not happy if the nanny holds another child first or is too busy to hold her. Melody reacts when called and can understand simple instructions. She is now saying some single words and will say a sentence every once in a while, but it is hard to understand.

She is finally walking and appears very small for her age. Melody was born with Down syndrome. She is from a former Madison Adoption Associates’ partnership orphanage. MAA staff have met her multiple times and note that she is sweet, has a precious laugh, doesn’t cry much, is often happy, and is a good sleeper. One of our traveling families even had the blessing of meeting her last year.

Melody will surely bring so much joy to her forever family!

Videos of Melody here (make sure to see her beaming smile when she finally gets picked up at about the 41 second mark) and here.

Written update from February 2018:

1. How is her mental ability compared to peers of the same age?
Her mental level is lower than kids without Down syndrome, but higher than most kids with Down syndrome.

2. How does the special need affect her health?
It doesn’t.

3. Is she potty trained?
No.

4. Please describe her personality in details.
She is an active and happy child who is bonded and likes being held.

5. Is she well behaved and obedient?
Yes

6. How are her gross motor skills? Can she walk, run, jump, and walk upstairs and downstairs by herself? Can she kick a ball? Can she pick up a ball? Any limited functions?
Normal. She can walk, run, jump, and hold rails when going upstairs and downstairs. No limitations.

7. How are her fine motor skills? Can she draw or scribble on paper? Can she pick up little things with her fingers?
Good. She can scribble, draw, and can pick up tiny things. No limitations.

8. Is she in any kind of school? If so, what school? Can she catch up in school?
She is in kindergarten in the orphanage. She can learn some simple dances and children’s songs, and draw pictures.

9. How is her emotional development? Is the child attached to anyone? Who is she close to? Does she care for other people?
Good. She gets along well with people and is close to other kids in the room.

10. How are her social skills? Does she get along well with other children and adults?
She is good with people.
11. Is she under foster care or living in the orphanage?
She lives in the orphanage.

12. Updated Measurements:
Height: 98 cm
Weight: 16 kg
Head circ: 46 cm
Chest circ：50 cm
Foot length: 14 cm
Number of teeth: 22

13. How is the language ability of the child? What can she say? Can she speak one word, two words, or sentences? Can she express her needs well? Is her language ability the same as peers of the same age?
Delayed. She can say two or three words. Sometimes she says a whole sentence, but not clearly.

14. Can the child follow directions of adults? One step, two steps, or three steps?
She can follow some instructions.

15. Is the child on any medication?
No

16. What is the daily schedule of the child?
5:20 am get up
6:40am breakfast
8:30am kindergarten
9:20 snack and fruit juice
11:30 lunch
12:00 nap
2:30 kindergarten
4:30 going home
5:30 dinner

17. What does the child eat? Can she feed herself? Does the child eat with chopsticks, a spoon, or a bottle?
She is not picky about food. She can eat many foods. She feeds herself with a bottle. Adults feed her with a spoon.

18. Does the child know any English?
No

19. Does the child want to be adopted? Does the child understand what adoption means?
She doesn’t understand adoption at all.

20. What color does the child like?
Bright colors

21. What activity does the child like to do?
She likes playing games with others- it makes her very happy!

22. What is the favorite toy of the child?
She likes many different kinds of toys.

Melody has a $5,000 Bright Futures agency grant for her adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Melody needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting her. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Melody, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

Trying to prepare someone for an adoption trip to China is literally like trying to prepare someone for giving birth.

It will hurt.
It will be expensive.
It will be smelly and there might be blood and there will be tears.
It will be so sweet.
It will be surreal; you will come as one thing and leave as another.
There will be people who will whisper soft words of encouragement and there will be others whose voices grate on your nerves and who make you question what the heck you are even doing.
There will be room service.
There will not be paper panties.
(Unfortunately there may not be toilet paper either. You should not be alone.)

People who travel to hospitals for their babies belong to this weird club. When you are a member, you can meet someone for the first time and within seconds be talking to them about your most private parts and how they tore or burned. It’s bizarre. People who belong to this club have wavy boundaries and they will make you a cuppa and tell you about their cracked nipples. This is the sisterhood.

The same exists with adoption. Meet any family who has traveled for an adoption and you’re family within two minutes. You’ll pull up a chair and exchange your stories like you swapped stickers in third grade. And even if few words are exchanged, you will share a look and you’ll know. The length of the flight, the trauma of your child when he or she walked into that hotel lobby/foreign affairs office/hotel room, the food, the jet lag.

Holy smokes, the jet lag.

China Adoption Trip Jet Lag (it’s a proper noun, trust me) will give a level three tear a run for its money any day. This is the sisterhood too.

There is no way to prepare you for an adoption trip other than this: this is a hard and beautiful way to grow your family. It is birthed of great loss and that will likely present itself sooner than later. It’s also born of great joy and obedience and such a long labor.

It will involve a plane ride so long you will think you might grow old and die on it. But every mile that goes by gets you one mile closer to your child and so you’d gladly settle in for a million miles if that’s what it took. There will be lots of hotel buffet meals and, if you’re not gastronomically adventurous, you will swear never to eat watermelon or Yangzhou fried rice again.

There will be a feeling I can’t even describe when you step into your hotel room in your child’s province and see a crib or a roll-away and you’ll realize there will soon be a son or daughter in it and that will knock your breath out with it’s enormity.

And there will be a people so generous in spirit that you will become madly in love with them.

There is no way to prepare you for an adoption trip. But remember that weird club? You’ll be a part of it. Which means you’ll have all hours access to people who have walked this road and will encourage you, pray for you, bring you dinner and a hug, tell you where to buy the best pearls.

The adoption community is a beautiful, inclusive and welcoming group. They will open their arms and you will fall in. And before you know it, you’ll be back with your child and will be part of this club.

And someday, a lost mama or baba will reach out. They’ll be facing the Everest that is an adoption trip and you will tell them all these things and it will make it better.

You’re awesome like that.

Ames and Auggie are adorable twin boys born in February of 2016. Ames and Auggie currently live in the orphanage. They have both been in a Lily Orphan Care Center (LOCC) since March of 2016.

Ames has not had any recent illnesses and has been in good health, but he has been receiving rehabilitation training. Ames has a history of epilepsy. There was a period of time that he was having seizures regularly, but he is currently taking medication and has not had any seizures since.

Both Ames and Auggie are believed to have experienced Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy/HIE (oxygen deprivation during labor/delivery). A CT scan from March of 2017 notes some abnormalities in their brain. Every child with HIE may present differently and language, learning, and motor development may be affected. Both boys were initially diagnosed with a congenital heart defect as well, but an ultrasound from March of 2017 found no obvious abnormalities in either boy.

You can find videos here and here.

Written Update for Ames:

1. How is his mental ability compared to peers of the same age?
Behind, compared with other kids of same age.

2. How does the special need affect his health?
He grows slowly with stiff limbs, due to his iron deficiency, hypoxic encephalopathy, and brain atrophy.

3. Is he potty trained?
No

4. Please describe his personality in details.
He is a bit introverted. Sometimes he likes to lie on the mat when playing. Sometimes he likes caretakers to hold him and talk to him.

5. Is he well behaved and obedient?
He doesn’t understand what we say yet.

6. How are his gross motor skills? Can he walk, run, jump, and walk upstairs and downstairs by himself? Can he kick a ball? Can he pick up a ball? Any limited functions?
Poor. He cannot run, walk, or jump with limited function.

7. How are his fine motor skills? Can he draw or scribble on paper? Can he pick up little things with his fingers?
Poor. He cannot pick up tiny things, but he can hold small things like snacks.

8. Is he in any kind of school?
No schooling.

9. How is his emotional development? Is the child attached to anyone? Who is he close to? Does he care for other people?
He likes the caretakers who take care of him often, but doesn’t attach to somebody.

10. How are his social skills? Does he get along well with other children and adults?
He likes to be held by caretakers or lie on the mat when playing. He is sociable and is doing well with other kids and adults.

11. Is he under foster care or living in the orphanage?
He lives in the orphanage.

12. Updated Measurements:
Height: 89 cm
Head circ: 48 cm
Chest circ: 50 cm
Weight: 12.8 kg
Foot length: 13cm
Number of teeth: 21

13. How is the language ability of the child? What can he say? Can he speak one word, two words, or sentences? Can he express his needs well? Is his language ability the same as peers of the same age?
Poor. He cannot express himself.

14. Can the child follow directions of adults? One step, two steps, or three steps?
He cannot.

15. Is the child on any medication?
Bentoin Sodium tablets, twice a day, half pill each time.
Carbamazepine tablets，twice a day, one pill each time.
Glucurolactone tablets，three times a day, half pill each time.

16. What is the daily schedule of the child?
He receives physical training between 8:30am and 9:30am from Monday to Friday.

17. What does the child eat? Can he feed himself? Does the child eat with chopsticks, a spoon, or a bottle?
He eats soft rice noodles, rice, congee, etc. He needs feeding with spoons. He drinks milk and water with milk bottles.

18. Does the child know any English?
No.

19. Does the child want to be adopted? Does the child understand what adoption means?
He doesn’t understand yet.

20. What color does the child like?
He cannot tell colors yet.

21. What activity does the child like to do?
Outdoor activities.

22. What is the favorite toy of the child?
Balls and furry toys.

Written Update for Auggie:

1. How is his mental ability compared to peers of the same age?
Behind, compared with other kids of same age.

2. How does the special need affect his health?
He grows slowly with stiff limbs, due to his iron deficiency, hypoxic encephalopathy, and brain atrophy.

3. Is he potty trained?
No

4. Please describe his personality in details.
He is quite cheerful with lots of laughter. He is quite sociable, loving to play with his roommates.

5. Is he well behaved and obedient?
Yes, he can make one or two steps.

6. How are his gross motor skills? Can he walk, run, jump, and walk upstairs and downstairs by himself? Can he kick a ball? Can he pick up a ball? Any limited functions?
Poor. He cannot run, walk, or jump with limited function.

7. How are his fine motor skills? Can he draw or scribble on paper? Can he pick up little things with his fingers?
Poor. He cannot pick up tiny things, but he can hold small things like snacks and small toys.

8. Is he in any kind of school? If so, what school? Can he catch up in school?
No schooling.

9. How is his emotional development? Is the child attached to anyone? Who is he close to? Does he care for other people?
He likes the caretakers who take care of him often, but doesn’t attach to somebody.

10. How are his social skills? Does he get along well with other children and adults?
Very sociable. He will smile when we play with him. He likes to play with other kids. We
all love him.

11. Is he under foster care or living in the orphanage?
He lives in the orphanage.

12. Updated Measurements:
Height: 92 cm
Head circ.: 49 cm
Chest circ.: 52 cm
Weight: 13.6 kg
Foot length: 14 cm
Number of teeth: 20

13. How is the language ability of the child? What can he say? Can he speak one word, two words, or sentences? Can he express his needs well? Is his language ability the same as peers of the same age?
Poor. Sometimes he can speak “Mama.” He cannot express himself. When he wants something, he will crawl for it or give a big smile at his caretakers.

14. Can the child follow directions of adults? One step, two steps, or three steps?
He can follow two steps, e.g. if you say,“Go bring the handkerchief to me,” he will crawl to get the handkerchief and bring it to you.

15. Is the child on any medication?
No

16. What is the daily schedule of the child?
He receives physical training between 14:30 and 15:30 pm from Monday to Friday.

17. What does the child eat? Can he feed himself? Does the child eat with chopsticks, a spoon, or a bottle?
He eats soft rice noodles, rice, congee, etc. He needs feeding with spoons. He drinks milk and water with milk bottles.

18. Does the child know any English?
No

19. Does the child want to be adopted? Does the child understand what adoption means?
He doesn’t understand yet.

20. What color does the child like?
He cannot tell colors yet.

21. What activity does the child like to do?
Outdoor activities.

22. What is the favorite toy of the child?
Balls and furry toys.

There is a $1,000 agency grant for Ames and Auggie’s adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child. Fees are reduced for the second child/twin; they are not doubled.

Ames and Auggie need a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting them. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Ames and Auggie, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form here.

Johnny was born in April of 2008 and is diagnosed as having a deformed skull, strabismus, and a mouth that slants to the right. It is very likely that he has hemifacial microsomia.

He was reported to have normal physical development and a ready smile. Sadly, Johnny’s file was prepared when he was an infant and he has sat and sat on the shared list. He was at the very bottom of the shared list… the very last file. Johnny had no updates, until now! We pushed for an update and have received great new photos and a written update.

It’s time Johnny is seen!

Written update from January 2019:

1. How is his mental ability compared to peers of the same age?
A little behind peers of his age.

2. How does the special need affect his health?
It doesn’t.

3. Is he potty trained?
Yes.

4. Please describe his personality in details.
He is active and busy.

5. Is he well behaved and obedient?
He is well behaved and obedient.

6. How are his gross motor skills? Can he walk, run, jump, walk upstairs and downstairs by himself? Can he kick a ball? Can he pick up a ball? Any limited
functions?
Good. No limitations. His gross motor skills are just
like normal kids.

7. How are his fine motor skills? Can he draw or scribble on paper? Can he pick up little things with his fingers?
Good. He can draw and can pick up tiny things.

8. Is he in any kind of school? If so, what school? Can he catch up in school?
He is in special education school and can catch up in school.

9. How is his emotional development? Is the child attached to anyone? Who is he close to? Does he care for other people?
Good. He cares about others and is close to the main caretaker.

10. How are his social skills? Does he get along well with other children and adults?
Good. He can get along well with others.

11. Is he under foster care or living in the orphanage?
Always in the orphanage.

12. Updated Measurements:
Height: 132 CM
Weight: 21 KG
Head circ 53 CM
Teeth：24

13. How is the language ability of the child? What can he say? Can he speak one
word, two words, or sentences? Can he express his needs well? Is his language
ability the same as peers of the same age?
His language ability is normal. He talks like an adult.

14. Can the child follow directions of adults? One step, two steps, or three steps?
Yes.

15. Is the child on any medication?
He is not on medicine.

16. What is the daily schedule of the child?
He goes to school each day except Saturday and Sunday.

17. What does the child eat? Can he feed himself? Does the child eat with chopsticks, a spoon, or a bottle?
He eats with chopsticks.

18. Does the child know any English?
No.

19. Does the child want to be adopted? Does the child understand what adoption means?
Yes.

20. What color does the child like?
Blue.

21. What activity does the child like to do?
Games and blocks.

22. What is the favorite toy of the child?
Legos.

Johnny has a $1,000 agency grant for his adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Johnny needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting him. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Johnny, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

Dear Soon to Travel Adoptive Family,

If I could go back now, these are the words that I’d whisper to my own pre-trip heart. My hope is that they’ll fall gently, offer a bucket of grace, excite your spirit, and speak to your heart.

Before our first adoption trip, I was giddy with joy and trembling weak-kneed. I spent so much time tasking that I missed the opportunity to pull back and consider heart preparation.

There is much to be done at this stage in your journey. You’ve got paperwork to finalize, shopping to do, travel to book, suitcases to pack, and lists to work through, but let me urge you to make space in your heart mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I’d love to tell you exactly what to expect, but the mystery of it is just part of it. No promises can be made about your daughter’s gotcha-day reaction, how good your guides will be, if you’ll pack the right clothes, if your son will cry on the plane, or if you’ll like the hotel’s mattress. Your brain will want to focus there, but I encourage you to attempt a wider view.

Surrender

Let go, in advance, of expectations and control. Give yourself a good talking to about releasing your hold. You’ve moved mountains to get here, so relinquishing control will require intention.


As your plane lifts into the air, un-grip your fists, and begin the surrender. Your dossier is complete, and it is your agency’s job now to put those last puzzle pieces together. Trust them to do their work. Trust the timing. Trust the Lord.

You will have guides who will keep you informed, organize your schedule, and help you plan tours. This will be an experience like none other. Take it as an opportunity to practice the discipline of surrender.

You will be thousands of miles away from all aspects of your normal life. Kids will not be in car seats, the food you eat will be different, and the schedule out of your control.

Whether by birth or adoption, every child has unique and developing emotional, mental and medical differences. All of us come with ever-evolving needs. No checklist, plan or preparation can prepare us for this. Sometimes surrendering our expectations is the hardest part of any relationship.

Feelings

This trip will illicit in you all manner of feelings, some that make sense, and some that don’t seem to. Grant yourself permission to allow them to bubble up as they are. Give yourself grace and know they’ve been felt by many who have gone before you.

Remember that emotions are both healing and flaky, often coming unexpectedly and leaving quickly. It’s all part of the process.

Adoption is an extreme paradox of the beautiful and the broken. You will feel that.

For me, I had some unexpected feelings rise on our gotcha day. We’d pushed and pushed to get to the moment of meeting our daughter, but when the glorious finish line was in sight, I needed a nudge. What I can tell you now though, is that those faith-building days have positively impacted every day of my life that followed.

Lean In

If your experience is like ours, God will use this trip to speak volumes of truth to you. Be sensitive to that. Grab your travel partner’s hands and pray in the morning, in the evening, and every moment in between that feels beyond you. Pray in gratitude. Pray for help. Pray to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit leading you moment to moment.

Perspective

This will be unusual and unique. Nothing that you are feeling in that space will last forever and don’t assume that your child’s behaviors represent their forever either. Keep perspective. Get through it, one day at a time.

If your emotions are weird. Keep perspective. They’ll pass.

If China feels overwhelming, scary or hard. Keep perspective. You are in China! What a gift. What an opportunity, but also a major life change. Push for the wider, long haul view.

See China

Experience it. Taste it. Sit and listen to it. Keep your eyes willing to see the beauty and your heart set on gratitude.

You’ll have the gift of agency planned tourism. Can I suggest that you enjoy those tours, but also go off the grid, by a street at least? Walk down the road behind the museum you are taken to. Peek into the shop next to the offices where you have meetings. Ask questions. Find a non-touristy park and sit, eat lunch, and bond with your new child.

In our times in country, we experienced Chinese people being very, very curious about our family. Some of the cultural norms that we have here don’t translate there, such as personal space, respecting privacy, asking questions, and giving opinions. Our guide in one province was obsessive about our daughter needing warm layers. In our eyes, she was fine. In hers, she was freezing. My momma bear instinct roared, and my husband had to encourage me to respond kindly. I’m glad he did. I was on her turf, and her view was not wrong because it was different.

Embrace the difference. We’ve seen families truly struggle with this, and I think its an opportunity loss. China is a fascinating, fun and mysterious place.

Relish the Perks

Consider the gift of where you are and what you get to do. Breakfast buffets, no food to cook, maid service, and travel guides. You will be given uninterrupted time to bond with your new child. Flip your thinking to see the positives.

Also, relish the moment. Drink in all the broken beautiful as best you can. This is a trip that will forever be one of the most memorable moments of your life. You are closest to the place of your child’s birth, and a trip that you’ll think of with a longing to return.

Your Child

Though you’ve yearned for your child, they were not expecting you. They are being taken from all that feels familiar.

Remind yourself that you are a stranger to them and being taken by you is traumatic. Withhold judgment. Withhold expectations. Withhold typical parenting norms.

When we adopted our Claire, she was used to having candy all the time. Having a treat in both hands had been a soothing technique of the nannies. When we adopted Evelyn, she was used to soothing herself with lovies and eating little sausages wrapped in red plastic. Feeding these to toddlers was not typical of us, but both girls were in the middle of a trauma, so we made sure to keep Claire’s hands full and a supply of meat sticks and clean lovies for Evelyn. While in China, we deferred to comfort and getting through the days.

All three of our children from China reacted differently in country, some in hard ways, some easier than expected. Looking back now, though there were glimpses of their real personalities, I can see the grieving in our photos. I see kids who were almost nothing like the children that they have become.

China Time

Your time in China will fly by and drag along. Some days you’ll have to push yourself to get from meeting to meeting and other days you’ll linger long in your hotel room simply figuring out this little person you’ve been given and letting them figure out you.

Meeting Your Child

Expect that your family day will look different than how you imagined. It might be sweet and special, or it might be hard. We’ve had both, but I can assure you that all three rank among the most special days of our lives.. Take it hour by hour and throw grace like confetti.

Ask permission first but take photos and video of anything that you can at the orphanage. Ask for the nannies’ names and write them down. I loved Rachel’s suggestion to film yourself recalling everything you could remember from that experience when you return to your hotel room. This life-altering experience will be a complete whirlwind. You’ll look back and struggle to remember exactly how it all happened.

The moments of meeting our children were profoundly beautiful and hard all at once.

Shopping

Buy some treasures to bring home. Every little souvenir that you tuck into your suitcase will become a priceless keepsake when you land back home.

Don’t Waste It

You are going to want to. You are going to be tired, missing home, and missing your routine. You’ll be bone weary in all the ways that a person can be weary. The beauty is that it is a weariness that comes from the deepest kind of living.

The trip before you is a mystery, my soon to travel friends, but it’s a glimpse into a broken beautiful. A glimpse at your child’s homeland. It’s a peek into orphanage life and the culture of your child’s birth. It’s loaded with life’s best and hardest. Surrender. Keep perspective. Enjoy it and pray your guts out.
And go ahead and think through “What to expect on the long flight home”.

All the adoptive families who have gone before you will cheer you on, and follow your travels with pom poms and nostalgia.

Courage, dear hearts.
Rebecca

*Find more helpful information about adoption trips in NHBO’s China Trip and Gotcha Day categories.

Jerry is a cute little boy, born in June of 2017… so he is just one year old! He is closest to his caretaker and likes to play with baby toys. Jerry has motor and language delays, but has been receiving rehabilitation training and early education as well.

When his file was prepared in August, he was not yet saying any words. Jerry was born with an inguinal hernia and also diagnosed as having cerebral palsy due to high muscular tension and delays. In October of 2017, he had surgery for the hernia.

Jerry can hold his head up, roll over, and sit independently. He knows his name and responds when called. He also makes good eye contact and understands simple instructions.

Jerry has a precious smile and he loves to laugh! A family and the right intervention will do this child wonders. It is our hope that Jerry finds his family and can get home while he is still so young!

Jerry has a $500 agency grant for his adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Jerry needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting him. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Jerry, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

I had read all our agency’s material, devoured everything I could find on NHBO that may prepare us, had my parents retell their stories of China over the course of adopting five times. I even dug deep in the recesses of my memory to relive every detail of my time in Beijing, Xi’an, Guangzhou and Hong Kong in 2007 as a volunteer at a foster home.

Armed with all of that – and it was a lot – my husband and I flew to China March 2018 with absolutely zero expectations. This turned out to be the key to our most perfect experience.

Things to keep in mind while in China:

1. More than anything, try to be flexible.

Schedules change. Constantly. Then, the minute you think you have the tiniest grasp on who your new child is, he or she changes the game on you. Weather doesn’t always cooperate. Sometimes you really connect with your guides and other guides leave much to be desired. I am a very a-type personality but for three weeks I let that all go and, as a result, everybody was a lot happier and things seemed to go smoothly, even when moments weren’t ideal.

2. Exhaustion is part of the game.

We did a tour in Beijing before meeting our son in Xi’an, mostly to try and get ahead of the jetlag. Jetlag won. I felt like we were running on adrenaline most of the trip, especially because our very easy-going son mourned at night, making for very little sleep amongst the three of us. He also had just been weaned off of naps by his nannies, but desperately needed them. It was like having a newborn all over again, a newborn that weighed thirty-two pounds.

3. Prices in China have gone up (even though the exchange rate in China is still in the favor of U.S. currency).

In 2007, a McDonalds value meal cost $2.00USD, in 2018 we were paying almost $8.00USD. If I wasn’t thinking straight (remember, the massive lack of sleep happening) I would often think I was getting a good deal and then go back to the hotel and realize, I was paying just as much, if not more, in China for the same thing we get here in the U.S.

4. If you are able, have a travel companion.

It is the key to sanity, as sometimes you just need to be alone. All of a sudden there is a child who has no idea what you are saying or why you have taken over his or her life and that becomes its own kind of exhausting. Plus having the extra set of arms for bath time, bedtime, outings, appointments, doing laundry in the hotel sink . . . it was just something that I was grateful for every moment. We were handed a very chill child compared to some stories I have heard/read and even then, there were moments I told my husband, “I need five. I’m going to go down the street, grab us a treat, and I’ll be back.” He did the same thing and I totally understood – it was necessary to making it during those three weeks!

5. Family Day will be a beautiful blur.

It felt like it lasted five seconds and three days all at once. I had imagined it for so long and then it was over. The minute we saw our son, before I could go say hello and hand him the little car we brought him, the foster director pulled me aside and gave me an information overload. I understand we are in the minority – not everybody gets a detailed rundown of their child – but I also was overwhelmed because I feared I wouldn’t remember everything I was told. All the precious details of who he was before he was ours. Things he liked and disliked. How they were doing daily care of his medical need. I immediately went back to the hotel and filmed myself on my phone recalling every detail in a ten-minute video we still have today. I recommend this to any parent! I look haggard and sound kind of like a nerd, but I’m so grateful we have all those details that a year later would be lost.

6. There are days you are go, go, go and then days when you don’t (as in, you might spend all day in your hotel room, if necessary.)

I had been prepared for a child who possibly would be ill, or scared to go anywhere with us. Then we met our son and he was so excited every time we went toward the hotel door – an adventure awaited! So we embraced his excitement and we did as much as we could while in China. We bought a stroller and just did all the things. We also embraced his love of water and in Guangzhou when we finally had a bathtub, we would grab take-out and let him bathe for hours. It was fun to watch him explore the world around him – everything was new and fun!

7. Your agency travel group will be your in-country village.

The families we traveled with from our agency were like family. We had a small group that met in Beijing and then we all scattered to our separate provinces and met back up in Guangzhou. It was comforting to know we weren’t alone in our journey and we still keep in touch today. They become your biggest cheerleaders and are part of your tribe who also said, “We can do hard things!” I love them.

8. Sooner or later, your time in China will come to an end.

You eventually will pack up to go home and your heart will ache because you will have fallen in love with your child’s first country. You will find yourself torn between never wanting to leave, never wanting to end this little moment of your story, but also being so ready to go home, even while knowing there will be some really hard days and weeks and months ahead. You may also fear the flight home a little bit. I think this is wise. We really had a perfect experience, except the flight home when our son refused to sleep for the first twelve-hour stretch. And he was not gracious about his annoyance of having to sit in one spot.

I recognize everybody has, or will have, completely different experiences while in China. Those memories from your time in China will be sacred to your family.

They are your beginning of forever.

But they are also just a short chapter of your story. Expect to feel all the feelings. Expect to be changed in ways you didn’t know were possible. But otherwise, go over with zero expectations.

– guest post by Rachel: email || facebook

Magnolia is a precious little girl, born in August of 2013, and described as extroverted and sweet tempered. And, oh my goodness, those cheeks!

She is fairly active, talkative, and has quick reaction time. Magnolia enjoys singing and listening to music. She gets along well with others and likes playing outdoors with her friends and with toy cars.

Magnolia lives with a foster family and though she likes to be cuddled by her foster grandfather, she is closest with her foster grandmother. She is a good sleeper and sleeps in her own bed. She is not a picky eater, though she has been spoiled by her foster grandparents who tend to hand-feed her and let her use a bottle to drink her drinks from.

Magnolia’s favorite foods are meat, dumplings, noodles, vegetables, and fruits. As of November of 2017, Magnolia could walk using handrails and could stand alone. She was able to imitate words and say simple things like, “What is this?” Her intelligence was said to be delayed compared to her peers, but her orphanage also seems to say this about many children in their care.

In January of 2014, Magnolia received surgery for lumbar spinal meningocele and hydrocephalus. She had good recovery after the surgery, though she was not toilet trained at the time her file was prepared. We are unsure if that is a result of her meningocele surgery or because she just hadn’t been trained yet.

Magnolia has the sweetest little face with the cutest little voice. You have to watch her sweet video! You can find her video here.

Magnolia has a $500 agency grant for her adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Magnolia needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting her. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Magnolia, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

I have been a licensed social worker practicing in international adoptions for over six years now, and I must confess that I absolutely love paperwork!

I recognize that I am probably in the minority.

I tell families that the beginning of the adoption process might feel like you are trying to sip from a fire hydrant. You know that you need to ask questions, but you don’t even know where to start or what questions to even ask.

Adoption is a beautiful mess; it is ok to feel overwhelmed.

In an effort to normalize the adoption paperwork, and prayerfully help families understand why it is necessary, I want to explore what many call the “adoption paper chase” and what exactly that means.

Let’s start with a question I hear almost every day: What is a home study?

Thankfully, there are more and more people being exposed to adoption, but I believe there are still a lot of questions and misconceptions floating around about the home study.

Why does it take so long?
Why are you asking so many personal questions about our lives?
Why do you care about our pasts?
Are you going to bring white gloves and check for dust?
Will you look in our closets and laundry room?
Are we going to be approved?

Well, a home study is so much more than looking through every room in your home and giving you loads of paperwork to do. We really look at the home study as a time of preparation for post adoption, once the child is actually in your home.

When it comes to international adoption, the children we see coming home are coming from a background of trauma and are bringing all of those challenges with them. These children have likely been abandoned and forced to live in an orphanage, with no real idea of what a family is. They may sleep in a crib most of the day with only two nannies caring for dozens of children. These nannies likely come and go and may not provide any care at night, leaving room for many inconsistencies and developmental delays. Whenever a child is institutionalized, they are likely exposed to all types of abuse and may never know when they will have their next meal.

In light of this (and so much more trauma I could mention), as an adoptive parent, it is imperative to know where your child began. During the home study, parents complete different pieces of education to prepare them for this.

When it comes to adoption there are so many unknowns; it is always wise to prepare for the worst, but hope and pray for the best. Therefore, instead of looking at education as just a requirement to check off the list, I encourage you to look at it as a necessity. We need this!

Though we cannot predict everything that may arise post adoption, we can predict that this child will likely turn your lives upside down. Praise the Lord He has sustained those who have gone before us and has provided them with the knowledge they have to share.

Another component of the home study is actually meeting with your social worker for a series of interviews, and talking about you. So… what about you? Why does your past matter; how is it relevant? What does your marriage have to do with adoption? We all have challenges in life; there is no way to avoid them. If you have not been through something tough, please come talk to me!

We know that adoption can be difficult, and any family that has already experienced difficulty, and processed through it well, is something that your social worker would like to know.

If you still have some open wounds or challenges to work through, that’s ok! The time to work through this is before you bring your child home. If not, your child’s trauma will highlight your own, therefore leaving a lot of room for disappointment, and not providing a healthy environment for both you and your child.

Adoption should be for healthy families knowing they will adopt a child who comes from brokenness, not broken families looking to fill a void by adopting a healthy child.

This may involve putting your adoption process on hold in order to spend time in counseling. Many families start the home study, and with the help of their social worker, realize that they have “stuff” to work through before moving forward. It is our goal to set you, as the adoptive parents, up for success. We would be doing families a disservice if we did not address challenges that need further attention.

In addition, the adoption process is like a game of dominos. When it comes to paperwork, everything builds on itself. If you happen to “forget” about a past arrest, certain medication you are taking, or even something as simple as a legal name change, it can be difficult to backtrack and do things the right way. We are not coming from a place of judgment, but a place of discernment!

Ultimately, we see the home study process as so much more than just the “adoption paper chase”. We are beyond grateful for families who step out in faith and move forward with adoption because the need is there and it is very real. We want to do all we can to make the process as beneficial as possible, not only for you as the adoptive parents, but also the child coming into your home.

This all begins with the home study.

So I encourage you to keep an open mind, be vulnerable, ask for help, and show yourself grace. God uses this process to grow and change your heart – and your child’s heart – for the glory of His name.

Let Him do so!

– guest post by Emily Fulkerson – International Social Worker, Lifeline China Team

Tonight I rocked my baby to sleep for the first time. Ever.

Yes, he may be four and he may weigh 43 pounds, but I rocked him to sleep in my arms.

To most moms this is usual occurrence. However, to an adoptive mom, this can be far from usual. In fact, it can be so rare that it takes over a year and half to happen. That is us. Our boy has been home for over a year and half and he has never let me rock him to sleep.

Our son is a sensory-seeker with very little impulse control when he is hungry or tired. Further, he is about a year and half behind on speech, so communication can be tough. Combine all this with no nap and bedtime can be a torturous event.

Sensory Processing Disorders in children from tough beginnings are common and we are dealing with that day to day here. On most nights mom, dad and son, all go upstairs at bedtime together. We get PJs on and brush teeth. We read several books. Then we all lay down until the little dude falls asleep. It works for us and, frankly, it is beyond calming to an overactive child who can’t quite figure out how to settle down on his own yet.

We still co-sleep. Therefore, he never wakes alone and knows we are at arm’s length for him if he has a night terror. Again, night terrors are common for little ones from tough places. Sleep is hard for most children. Sadly, children from institutions tend to have trauma triggers at night and it is a tough path to figure out.

As I rocked him tonight, tears filling my eyes, I thought of all the firsts we have had. I thought of how different they looked for our family compared to most.

I thought of how hard fought some of those moments were…
The first time he cried when daddy left for work.
The first time he called us mommy and daddy.
The first time he realized, mommy, daddy and baby make a family.

Parenting children from tough places can be frustrating, heartbreaking, angering, beautiful, heartwarming, and a million other emotions. The one thing that we parents who fight the fight every day to complete the missing pieces can certainly understand about one another is this: sometimes even the smallest first can feel like the biggest accomplishment.

I do not know if I will ever rock him to sleep again. I hope I do, but he is four, so I’m guessing those days are numbered. Even if I never do again, I can at least understand the feeling of holding my baby on my chest in the dark of night and feeling the gentle sway of the rocking chair keeping us close and lulling him to sleep.

I longed for this feeling. I prayed for this feeling.

And, now, I know it.

Most people do not understand the process of attachment to a child not born into their family. Meaning well, many folks just say love is enough. While love is certainly a huge part of attachment, it is not enough.

Understanding and patience is a huge part. Learning who your child is and how their past follows them is a huge part. Taking five steps back to get one step ahead is a huge part. Parenting your child’s developmental age versus their chronological age is a huge part. It is a winding road and the path is not always clear.

Slowly but surely this family is finding their path and forging ahead. Some days we have to go back to the basics and that’s okay. Other days seem to be smooth sailing and that’s okay too.

I certainly do not know what challenges or accomplishments tomorrow will bring, but tonight? Tonight I will cherish this moment.

I rocked my baby to sleep for the first time.

– guest post by Dana

Honestly, I don’t feel like I quite fit in the special needs community.

Or even the adoption community.

Our lives at one point were very much impacted by both of those things, but now it looks very normal. I drive my four kids – all in school – and I drive them all over creation. We have no special meetings, or therapists to see. We see a pediatric cardiologist just once a year. The most notable thing that makes our family different from the typical suburban family is that one of us is Asian.

My daughter has been home for 2 ½ years. She has a complex heart defect (VSD, ASD, PDA, pulmonary atresia/stenosis), and had two open heart surgeries in China. We were open to as-complex-as-they-get heart kiddos, and did not need them to be repaired. But when China hands you a file where the repairs have already been completed, you take it! Our pediatric cardiologist says he wants to high five whoever did her surgery, they did such a great job. Thanks, China!

It’s tricky having a foot in the special needs world, adoption world, and normal everyday life, but not really fitting in any camp. Since I’m not having IEP meetings, or juggling therapists, it makes it hard to fully identify with my friends that are knee deep in the special needs world. I love them and their tenacity and grit to fight and persevere for their kiddos. While we trained and prepared for that world, it wasn’t the teeny tiny reality that got handed to us in Shanghai.

It’s also tricky trying to help my “normal” friends understand the intensity and anxiety that comes with our cardio trips, or getting MRIs, or how I have to hold back from throat punching kids that kick soccer balls into my daughters chest. “Normal people” don’t understand that something as simple as going under for an MRI can have potentially catastrophic results for heart warriors.

They also don’t understand why I’m all of a sudden getting flu shots.
Or quite seriously contemplating those masks you wear when you’re sick for everyday wear (I mean, all the other Asians are doing it…).
Or the reality that her life is simply more fragile and, as a result, so is my heart.

While I’m not fully in any of the camps, it also gives me the unique ability to play different roles in them. I get to advocate and educate my “normal friends” about adoption, trauma, special needs, and the challenges that those entail. And I get to help raise awareness for my sweet special needs mamas that are just surviving, and help be a part of inclusion. While I’m not (currently) dealing with the intense demands that both the special needs and adoption worlds often include, it gives me more margin to be a support for those who are… and I’m better equipped to know how to best help.

While I initially struggled to find my place in our post-adoption world, I really love the spot it’s landed me in. Sometimes being a heart warrior mama means some really intense things – and we have plenty of those days still ahead of us.

But it also means that sometimes life looks mostly normal; and in those times I get to help support, encourage, educate, and advocate. And stockpile all the snuggles and love I can get from our girl.

– guest post by Kate

Ember is an adorable little girl, born in January of 2010, who lives with a foster family. Ember is very close to her foster grandparents and to her teachers. She plays well with the siblings in her foster family and the other children in her class.

Ember likes blocks, puzzles, and games. She loves to build or put things together. Ember has very good receptive language, but is delayed in regards to her expressive language. She can say short sentences with a few words and she uses facial expressions to help express her needs.

Ember can also say the names of all the members of her foster family. She understands and can follow directions. Ember is receiving rehabilitation training in music education, motion function training, and acupuncture. She likes to listen to music and watch cartoons when she is not building with blocks or putting together big puzzles.

Ember has good self help skills. She can put on her clothes and put on and take off her shoes. At the time her file was prepared, she did need some help with toileting. She is also helpful around the home with things she is able to do.

Ember can walk for a long distance while holding onto a walker. Her fine motor skills are pretty good. She is able to pinch small objects, manipulate puzzle pieces, and string beads. Ember is shy, especially around strangers. She initiates communication with familiar people, but is much quieter around people she doesn’t know well.

A few years ago, Ember’s best friend was adopted and, ever since, Ember has been very eager to have a family with a loving mother “who belongs to her.”

Ember was diagnosed as having cerebral palsy. Her file later mentions a deformity of the fingers on her right hand and the toes on her left foot.

Ember has a $1,000 agency grant for her adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Ember needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting her. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Ember, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

Dear Heart Warrior Mamas,

Before we adopted our daughter, who was born with congenital heart disease (CHD), I didn’t know so many things. But you and my daughter have taught me..

I didn’t know what it meant to advocate for your own child. I have watched you learn medical terminology. I have witnessed your brave fight to have a clear mind and think through all the information you have been given to question the medical staff properly — even though you haven’t been sleeping well, you are separated from your children at home, you are blurry eyed and foggy brained.

I have seen your other children come and cheer your heart warrior even though they are having their own trauma during this time and missing you at home so much. Their brave is so big and their love so great. And so is yours. I have read your words of grief at wishing to be two places at once, but knowing you need to be in the hospital.

I have seen you go head-to-head with doctors and nurses and advocate for their needs, to educate others on trauma, attachment, and the specific needs of your heart-warrior.

It is very lonely in that hospital room that seems like a sterile cage, so you count blessings on your Facebook groups and post prayer requests. And I watch and join the community praying for you. Huddle around you, rally and fight beside you.

I have seen all you mothers of broken-hearted children surround and support other families in their hard, even as you fight in your own hard. It has taken my breath away.

I have seen you leave the hospital, rejoicing to go home and be all together at home.

I have seen you leave the hospital, holding your broken-hearted child close, so thankful for this time to go home–but overshadowed by all that is still before you.

And I have seen you leave the hospital with empty arms. With grief that will never, ever end.

In all this, you have taught me, fellow mama of a broken-hearted child, to choose the hard.

Choose the risk.

Choose the broken.

Because the beauty and love there is worth it.

I want to honor you all. Honor all the ways each of you fight daily for your heart warrior. You have touched my heart and moved it so completely.

Thank you for choosing the hard. For having hope despite the doctor’s diagnosis. Thank you for allowing me into your life and for being a strong place of support as I walk my own hard and struggles with our broken-hearted warrior.

I am blessed by you. You have taught me “To look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time: Thus is your time on earth filled with glory,” as Betty Smith once wrote.

So holding my heart warrior close, I drink in her smell and laughter and life. And because of all you, and she, have taught me — we are once again walking into the doors of adoption.

Arms and hearts open for whatever God will give us.

Thank you for your broken-hearted brave hope.

– guest post by Beth-Anne

Landry is a beautiful girl, born in February of 2011, who is described as generous and thoughtful. Landry enjoys listening to music, playing with stuffed animals, and playing outside.

Her caregivers describe her as energetic, extroverted, and occasionally a bit obstinate. When she is unhappy, Landry’s caregivers comfort her by giving her gifts or holding her. She can speak in 5-10 word sentences and communicates well with her caregivers. However, when compared to her peers, she is said to be delayed.

Landry has been living with a foster family since March of 2011. She enjoys many types of food including steamed buns, dumplings, meat, vegetables, and fruit. She does not care for pepper. She is a deep sleeper and she shares a bed with her foster grandmother.

Landry is diagnosed as having tethered cord syndrome, Chiari malformation, and lumbosacral spinal meningocele for which she had surgery when she was only a few weeks old. She requires special shoes and she can walk when she is wearing them. Landry is not toilet trained because of her needs.

A forever family with access to good medical care is what Landry needs most!

You can see a video of Landry here.

Landry has a $1,000 agency grant for her adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Landry needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting her. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Landry, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

Have you ever received news that was so hard to hear you actually felt like you were having an out of body experience?

The afternoon of Evelyn’s heart catheterization, the day that doctors and surgeons came into a small room to explain to my husband and I that our little girl was more critical than we could have imagined, was the day I experienced just that. That was the day that a doctor, whom we admire and have trusted with our two older heart warriors, could hardly look at our faces when opening the door to tell us the news.

It is forever engrained in my mind… how he walked in, shut the door and, with a small glance at us, went to a dry erase board and drew Evelyn’s heart. Then the words, “She is a very complex little girl.”

The drawing will never leave my mind; a picture of her blood flow to her lungs. The numbers that accompanied her left lung were jaw dropping.

Then he began talking and I could no longer hear medical terms. Fear hit and all I could think of was our family pictures, future holidays, family fun in the backyard and traditions… at lightening speed.

Images of her and fear of not having her.

In those split seconds our beloved surgeon walked in and shut the door. He saved the lives of Clara and Lewis since arriving home from China. He shut the door and with a somber face said, “I’m sorry but there is no way she can have the heart surgery we were hoping for. She would never survive.”

Bolts of lightening hit my heart and again more images appeared – telling our other children, seeing their faces, walking into my bedroom and seeing her crib empty. All these images shot through my mind within a matter of seconds. Tears filled my eyes and in that moment the vulnerability of what just happened was exposed. I turned to pull the Kleenex from the box and that is when it hit me: this wasn’t a dream.

When I went to reach for a tissue, I looked at my husband and saw him almost peeking at me. At that moment, he was seeing what my reaction would be. Dan is my rock and he is stronger that anyone I know.

We always tell our children and remind each other to always find good in the bad. “Be grateful. Turn the frown upside down,” we say.

But during those days following the devastating news it was too difficult to be grateful and, to be honest, I was having a hard time not being frustrated with God. I knew it was wrong but I was mad. I was mad that this little girl who has already endured so much neglect and hardship was now looking at a life that may be cut short far too soon.

Why? We did as you had asked, God. We ran to our daughter thousands of miles away. We opened our hearts. We risked the security of the shores and we drifted out further than we had with our two other heart warriors and we jumped out of the boat again. We were faithful. This isn’t what our family had envisioned! This is not how our love story should end!

Then God spoke to me through my husband, the man who loves this little one as much as I do. “Annette, I wouldn’t change a thing and I don’t think you would either. She is meant to be our daughter no matter what happens. She has a family and, even if it’s for a short time, she is ours.”

Wise words. Yup, he did it… my husband knocked sense back into my aching heart and told me to be grateful for what we have been given. Getting back up off the floor isn’t easy but when you have a hand that reaches down to help pull you up it can be accomplished. I won’t lie to you though… we both were and still are scared at what lies ahead.

The next couple of days we prayed. A village of family and friends prayed. Literally an army was being formed for this tiny warrior in the hopes that our consult only days away would bring us hope and buy us more time making memories and loving fiercely. During those couple of days I watched my two oldest children cling to their faith. I watched a school lift up our family and pray for a miracle to unfold, friends were fasting, candles were being lit in other states, a bible study group was in prayer and hundreds of people were including our daughter in their prayers.

God was moving. He was moving through people. God took a mountain and stuck it smack dab in our path and called upon hundreds of people to move it! Now I realize that moving a mountain is absolutely impossible but traveling up a mountain is not impossible. With prayer and an army of prayer warriors that mountain will not win!

The consult day arrived. The day we would learn our options. This time the door opened and Evelyn’s beloved cardiologist looked square in my face and said, “I’m about to send you on the biggest rollercoaster of emotions of your life, but we can make Evelyn a double ventricle!“

Speechless.

Miracle.

I don’t have enough space and you don’t have enough time to know what led up to this medical miracle but let’s just say that it wasn’t “luck” that allowed Evelyn to have this option. God redeems. God hears the cries of his children. God is faithful.

Now, let me also be very clear to say that God doesn’t always answer prayers the way we would like. I am a perfect example of that. If God answered my prayers the way I would like then both of my parents would still be living and I would have the opportunity to introduce them to the granddaughter they never met. My point is that God does hear every prayer. God loves nothing more than when his children run to him. I know Evelyn’s story is a story of hope. We went from having a conversation about possible organ donation to her possibly only living into her teens to now living a life where she has the opportunity of burying her parents, not the other way around!

Evelyn has already proven to us that she has no plans of leaving us anytime soon. She has conquered a very risky surgery this past December, she survived a cardiac arrest and she has endured multiple tests and procedures to get her body ready for a future surgery. We’ve been saying that Evelyn is a puzzle. She is very complex and comes with many pieces that aren’t always easy to find. We know her masterpiece is far from over.

One piece at a time will get her to that “miracle surgery”, the biventricular repair. Until that time we will lace up our running shoes for one of the biggest races in Evelyn’s life. The mountain is still standing in our path. It’s still big and it’s still intimidating but with the army of people fighting and shouting praises to God I have no doubt we can help her climb that mountain.

The top of the mountain has a view that is like no other… it’s victorious! Once again, I find myself grateful for getting out of the boat. Had we not jumped we wouldn’t have the views we have right now.

God can’t perform miracles if you don’t jump. Trust him.

Take a leap.

I am so grateful to my husband for always being so steadfast in his leaps. Our little boat that takes on water now and then is my favorite boat in the craziest of seas. There is no other captain I would rather have out in the roughest of waters.

This little boat has shown me time and time again that God is far from finished with Evelyn’s story!

Friends, rock the boat; take a risk and see what God can do!

– guest post by Annette: email || blog || Facebook || YouTube

Urgent waiting child Rupert was recently recalled to his orphanage; he has a $5,000 Bright Futures Agency Grant and up to $10,000 Older Child Grant with Reece’s Rainbow!

Smiley Rupert, born in July of 2007, had been in care of Bethel for the blind since he was two years old. Tragically, Rupert was recalled to his orphanage this past December. Bethel staff reported: “Rupert had been with us at Bethel since he was 2 years old and we are heartbroken to know our smiley boy is back in the orphanage. Rupert just lost all of the people he considered his family and he needs his forever mama now more than ever. Dancing and singing with Rupert is a special experience and we hope that his family will see this and he can soon be dancing with them.”

Rupert is blind (his file diagnosis is leukoma and no light perception), and Bethel staff believes that he is probably on the Autism Spectrum. Rupert is a fairly independent boy. He is able to feed himself, use the restroom, and communicate his needs. Rupert speaks in short sentences and knows many signs as well. Rupert’s teachers have figured out that he likes food as a reward, so he catches on quickly if he knows there is a treat waiting for him!

Rupert’s fine motor skills were also something Bethel staff had been working with him on, he could thread beads, open water bottles, and open and close doors. Rupert has excellent orientation and mobility skills. He could find his class by himself and got around a room well, even if he didn’t know the room well.

Rupert is said to be a joy to be around! He always has a handsome smile on his face. His favorite things to play with are cars. He is especially good at making the “vroom” noise. He loves music, dancing, snack time, spinning, playing in the therapy chair, jumping on the trampoline, swinging, being outside, listening to the radio, and playing in water. He will dance even when he’s in the water swimming.

Rupert also loves a good cuddle or tickle and when his caretaker rubs his back or head. Recently, Rupert had become quite fond of singing and could be heard singing regularly.

Someone who spent time with him said, “My favorite kid at Bethel! So so so smart, handsome, independent, brave, and loving!!” Rupert had improved so much while under the care of Bethel, we hope that Rupert’s forever family sees this and can get to him soon… the orphanage environment will likely cause him to regress.

You can see a recent video of Rupert here.

Rupert has an older child grant, up to $10,000, with Reece’s Rainbow as well as a $5,000 Bright Futures agency grant for his adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Rupert needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting him. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Rupert, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.

What often scares people away from adoption?
The paperwork.

Guess what scared me away from adoption?
Among other things, the paperwork.

There is a cloud of dread that hangs over prospective parents when the topic of adoption comes up because they have “heard” about the extensive amount of grueling paperwork involved. And to be honest, their fears probably aren’t too far-fetched.

When we started adoption paperwork back in 2013, I remember feeling like I was diving into a great unknown with my eyes shut tight, hoping we could plow our way through and make it to the child at the end of this drowning maze. I am pleased to report that my husband and I – common, semi-educated, quasi-normal people – claimed ultimate victory over the paperchase.

I admit that it was not an easy road. We began our paperwork for adoption from Ethiopia, and organized our fundraiser toward that end. Ethiopia closed its doors during our process, and we elected to redo paperwork for adoption from China. Then, before the adoption was complete, we moved. More paperwork.

For our first adoption for our sweet little four-year old boy waiting in China, we completed our first home study, and then updated it four times before he was ours. We were fingerprinted twice. We completed the dreaded openness form twice. And I remember that awful day near the beginning, applying for our initial immigration approval, when I finally had everything we needed to send in to that intimidating place called USCIS… I put all those papers in that manila envelope and made a special trip to the post office, arrived home with my little heart beating proudly. And to my horror I walked in the door to see our approved home study still sitting there on the counter. (If you haven’t gotten that far in your paperwork, I’ll just say that the home study is what you wait impatiently for to get this piece out to the post office, and the USCIS actually does need it.)

My blood pressure still rises just thinking of that day.

There was nothing I could do but wait until my manila envelope arrived at its destination, the kind government officers realized I was inept, and they mailed me a piece of paper requesting “evidence”. Evidence of my ineptness.

The home study is a feat in itself, but definitely not as scary as I’d been made to believe. There are doctor’s appointments to schedule, reference letters to obtain, insurance forms to find, and an autobiography to complete. Ok, maybe “autobiography” is a bit exaggerated… it’s just a bullet-point version! I admit, we tend to complain about all the work we need to do to finish these big steps, but huge kudos to the social workers and agency personnel who have to read everything and make sure it’s correct!

I will briefly address the dossier (pronounced with an “ee-ay” sound at the end, maybe it’s French?). This is a hefty stack of papers you collect from around the country (four different states, in our case) to prove your health status, your legal rights as a citizen, and your reputation in your community.

This process requires a lot of initiative on your part, unending patience, and forbearing grace. You need to cooperate with your medical team, the police station, experts in the fields of special needs, your employers, and your prospective guardians. It requires reading your dossier packet and the items needed, reading it again, and trying to communicate all of this to others.

Most of the dossier work from our first adoption is a blur, but we are preparing to travel within the next month or two for our second adoption and our most recent dossier is still very clear in my mind. It’s funny how we think we are experts if we’ve done something once already. And that doesn’t just go for us prospective parents. That goes for my doctor. I love her. But by the time she needed to redo our appointments again (and again!) because she used the same letter from our first adoption without changing the ages of our bio kids, then she didn’t date her letter the same as the notary, the notary’s commission expired too soon, and we forgot my hearing test, she was ready to kick us to the curb. It was a combination of mistakes from all of us, but it can really wear on you and your checkbook. We struggled with finding notaries that had longer commission dates, notaries willing to come with us to our kids’ schools and our doctor’s office, employers that were willing to provide what you asked them to provide, and letters from the police station that met our agency’s requirements. We needed to re-notarize several documents at the bank, the kids’ schools, the doctor, my husband’s employer, and the police station between both adoption processes. Certain items were easy to obtain for our first adoption, but proved more difficult for the second, and vice versa.

Wow, I hope it’s not normal for families to have as many problems as we had!

Can you see why the paperchase requires patience and grace? What a feeling of accomplishment once it is finished! What a combined effort of sweat, tears, support, and high-fives that goes into completing this! It is a possible feat; people do it all the time. Through all the tears, I encourage you think of it as a means to an end, a rallying of the troops, and a raising of your village. This should be worthy enough to put on a resume!

The dossier isn’t the end, though. Adoption paperwork involves referral papers, grant applications, fundraisers, another package sent to the USCIS, passport applications, something called the DS-260 and, depending on your country, visa applications. Give each piece its own time and energy, buy stock in your local office supply store (well…), and get excited that you are one step closer to an orphan who needs a family! You’ll make mistakes just like we did, you will forget things, you will need to redo things, and you will need to advocate for yourself and your child.

And even after all of this, surprises and changes will still take place. I am so thankful for a God who is even in this! He is watching the mail even closer than I am!

May He be glorified as we present ourselves humbly and confidently to our authorities and community members in this extensive process of paper chasing.

– guest post by Jennifer

It is with great joy that I share that Madison Adoption Agency is offering an adoption grant in honor of our daughter, and forever hero, Ivy Joy.

For those of you who are new to our story, our precious Ivy Joy went home to Jesus on March 20, 2017. Ivy had a complex heart defect with many complications and many miracles to follow. She came home at 21 months, unrepaired and very sick. But, more importantly, incredibly wanted and incredibly loved.

She would undergo five open heart surgeries in 10 months, have set back after set back, and miracle after miracle. She just never stopped fighting and she never stopped smiling. Friends, when our girl could have said, “Why me?” she said, “How blessed am I?” Honestly, she never ever complained or felt sorry for herself. She woke up every morning, choosing JOY in spite of her circumstances.

She is such a special child and she knew it. Boy did she know it! I know our girl is alive in heaven, singing with the angels, dancing with all the other precious children whose mommies and daddies also had to say goodbye, for now, all too soon.

When I left for China to bring our precious five year old daughter, Charlotte, home, my biggest fear was that my plane might crash and Ivy would no longer have me to mix her medicines, remember all the right snacks to take with us for her ongoing cardiology appointments, and care for her the way I do. I prepared the girls’ Easter baskets before I left, telling our older daughter where they were in case anything happened to me.

The last thing on my mind was the thought of me, having to learn live life without Ivy.

On March 20, 2017, just hours after meeting Charlotte in China, our baby girl, the light of our lives, took her last breath at home and took her very first breath in heaven. Our lives were turned upside down in one second.

And I am here to tell you, we continue choosing joy because she taught us how.

So, we continue to strive each day to make her proud of us as we count the days until we see her and hold her again. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t like it, but she taught me well and Jesus made a way for us to be together again so I have so much to be thankful for.

He never promised she’d make it past her first surgery but she did. I vowed to Him the day she came out of her first open heart surgery on ECMO that if He took her home that night, I’d still praise Him, I’d still thank Him, for the blessing of being her mommy even for just a few months. Well, with miracle after miracle, Ivy did come home. And we snuggled and giggled and grew and laughed and loved and learned so much from her for five precious years.

Oh, how I miss every single thing about her. It is new grief every single day and new mercies to get us through every single morning.

I traveled to China on March 18th for a March 20th gotcha day. I was so very blessed to have had a friend traveling with me on this trip. And I will never forget just laying on my bed, screaming out in pain and agony and complete brokenness. She came to me, so completely broken and scared and worried and she said, “Honey, what do you want to do? Whatever you want, however you want to go about it, no one will judge you, everyone will understand that there is no wrong or right here.”

And, without even having to think, with the power of the Holy Spirit and the gift of all the modeling by example Ivy Joy had done for me over the five years I was blessed to have her on earth, I answered.

I said, “Kim, Charlotte waited 5 years to have a family, she did nothing wrong, and there is no way that Ivy would have any part of me leaving her in China. I am Charlotte’s mom as much as I am Ivy’s. And what I want is to get home to my family as fast as anyone could ever fathom, with Charlotte holding my hand. I want God to move mountains for me to get home tomorrow, so I can grieve with my family and see my baby for the last time, even if it’s just her shell.”

And so, with my friend’s non-stop work, and with the efforts and kind hearts of both the Chinese and American consulate, and the constant help and support of Madison Adoption Agency, Charlotte and I made history and finalized her adoption the next morning, and came home. My poor girl was so confused and scared watching this new mommy of hers cry so much. And it got even more frightening when we arrived to a group of eight more people crying and grieving. But she was grieving too, so we quickly bonded, as we all understood what loss felt like.

The beauty of our grief was that we had each other to grieve with and, at that moment, it was the only thing that mattered.

February is such an important month in our home! February is Congenital Heart Defect Awareness month and February is the month that we adopted Ivy and she became our beloved daughter! We met on February 13th (“her gothcha”) and on Valentine’s Day, February 14th, we signed all the China documents that made it official. How perfect that her family day was on Valentine’s Day!

So in honor of Ivy Joy and CHD awareness, We are proud to offer a grant through Madison Adoption Agency, for $1000. Even more exciting news – we have the opportunity to make the grant even larger.

Would you please donate in Ivy Joy’s honor? And share with anyone and everyone so one more child can come home and a special family will be greatly blessed!

Details on how the grant works, and how you can be the recipient is below.

I will end this with a testimony of the gift our daughter was to us. If I had a chance to do life over, with this same scenario and this same outcome, I would have my hands in the air with the biggest Yes just to be her mommy for however long God gave me!

Yes it was worth it.
Yes it was hard.
Yes it is hard.
Yes life is so much better because she was in it.

Easy is just that, easy. Easy would have meant that there was no Ivy Joy. No being Ivy’s family.

We know that true joy is chosen. It is searched for and chosen. We give thanks for so much more than just things that can be seen. We have experienced the richness of life, we have seen miracles, and we have watched doctors scratch their heads as Ivy recovered from things that she was not expected.

We have seen heartache that we wish no one would ever have to experience. Every moment, every high and every low, was so worth it!

Reading the file of a child with heart defects is scary stuff, it’s not for the faint at heart, it comes with no promises. But behind that file, is just a little child who needs a family! We had no idea how much we needed Ivy, but it was certainly more than she needed us. Our yes was hard; but with our yes came unspeakable joy!

Don’t let hard scare you. Hard teaches, hard grows us, hard matures us, and hard causes us to reach out for the only hand that will always be there for us, today, tomorrow, yesterday, and infinitely.

With Love and Joy,
Mary

MAA is humbled to offer the ‘For Ivy’ $1,000 grant to families adopting any child with complex CHD. And while Ivy’s story is being featured in February in honor of Heart Awareness month, Madison will offer this grant year-round, as they stand by all children with CHD like Ivy, and strive to get them all home as soon as possible. To meet some of the children MAA is advocating for with complex CHD, please visit their website.

In honor of National Glaucoma Awareness Month, the waiting children with glaucoma shared over the next few days are eligible for an additional $1,000 grant with Madison Adoption Associates. It is Madison’s hope and prayer that these grants will help ease some of the financial burden so that families can say “Yes!”

(If you haven’t already seen sweet Harlow and Thadd, be sure to!)

Oliver is a cute little guy, born in August of 2012, who is said to be very aware of his surroundings. He is also said to be a good sleeper. When Oliver was young, he would grasp onto his caretaker’s hand tightly. His caretakers describe him as lovely and adored.

Oliver is diagnosed as having congenital glaucoma. From a June 2018 Update: Oliver’s caretakers say that he has a cheerful personality and that he loves to laugh and be active! He enjoys cuddling and being close to other people, listen to and hum along to songs, and play with toys that make music or sounds. He can understand instructions. He is working on life skills for independence and is currently receiving language training.

Updated Measurements:
Height: 110.5 cm
Weight: 17.1 kg
Chest circ: 51 cm
Head circ: 49 cm
Foot length: 16 cm

Videos of Oliver from June 2018 can be seen here – be sure to watch them all!
Oliver
Oliver 1
Oliver 2
Oliver 3
Oliver 4

January is Glaucoma Awareness Month and, to celebrate that, Oliver now has a $1,500 agency grant for his adoption with Madison Adoption Associates. Other grants may be available based on the adoptive family’s circumstances. Agency grants are awarded as agency fee reductions. MAA also partners with the Brittany’s Hope Foundation for matching grants, which are given out twice a year (January and July) and to families that are officially matched with a child.

Oliver needs a family with an approved home study to be able to move forward with adopting him. If you have an approved home study or a home study in process and are interested in adopting Oliver, please fill out a free PAP Waiting Child Review Form, which can be found here.